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#1
http://www.fmylife.com/

Makes me feel much better about myself!!

e.g.:

"Today, I finished having sex with my girlfriend when she asked if I had started smoking weed again. I said yes and asked if she could smell it on me, since I had recently smoked. She replied, "The only time you can last this long is when you're high." FML


"Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night. I was still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out she opens her eyes and says "Oh, it's you." Then gets up and walks out. FML."

#6
Awesome.
Quote by RU Experienced?
Go see U2, then you can say you contributed money to Bono's giant Irish tower built out of the blood, tears, and the hopes of African children.
#7
"Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML"
#8
Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML


sounds like me
Quote by guitardude34875
be the music, not the scene
Last edited by ShredGod George at Feb 8, 2009,
#9
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
#10
"Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML"
#12
Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "Ni**er." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML
#13
click on top FML there some of the best, the one about a student doing a 1000 year disertation and then having his friend auto correct "niether" to "n!gger" and proceeding to hand it in to his black proffesser unaware was particuarly lolworthy
Quote by imdeth
Centorium you dick
I keep lookin behind me,You're amazing at this


Quote by Aerokizzombie
Dam,Cent, ur repeating man scares the shit out of me, its so true


Quote by CodChick
Omg Cent,Ive been havin nightmares because of u


Quote by MCMXCII
**** you man,I was just going to bed


I'm scary
#15
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML

Classic though.
Follow the smoke toward the riff filled land
brutal
#16
"Today, my friends and I go to a bar and proceed to get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a little person. FML"
#17
Quote by soundgarden1986
"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"





fail
#18
Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML




This is ****ing glorious
multicolour random messge!

FAC 13
"The hacienda must be rebuilt"
#19
Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML

That's my favourite so far.
#20
"Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML"




That about sums up me lol
#21
"Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML"

I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
#23
"Today I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart". FML"

#24
"Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML"



I think I've found my new favourite site!
#25
I do feel better!
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
#26
Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#27
"Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML"

bwahahahahahahaha
You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#28
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird ****. FML


Naasstyyyy
Main Gear
Gibson Les Paul Custom Alpine White
Esp Eclipse-I CTM DPS w/18v Mod
PRS Custom 24 Angry Larry
Mesa Mark V
Mesa Rectifier 4x12

Bands FB Page
#29
"Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML"
(\/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") ExtremeMetalFTW donated these ears
Notice something wrong? Yea, me too
| |
[ ]
#30
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird ****. FML

hahahahahahahaha

EDIT: Damn, beaten to it.
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.


-Jimi Hendrix-

Quote by CodySG
You know you're in the drug thread when you see pictures of squash and "tuna nigga!" when you click the page.
Last edited by dudetheman at Feb 8, 2009,
#31
I had a glass of water while I was working out I reached over took a gulp of it and as I put it down I discovered a cockroach had fallen in it...FML
#32
Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

, thank you for cheering me up TS
#33
Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

funkyducky


Icing happen when de puck come down, BANG, you know,
before de oder guys, nobody dere, you know.
My arm go comme ça, den de game stop den start up.

Quote by daytripper75
Get To Da Choppa!
#34
Quote by dudetheman
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird ****. FML

hahahahahahahaha

EDIT: Damn, beaten to it.



Sorry about that
Main Gear
Gibson Les Paul Custom Alpine White
Esp Eclipse-I CTM DPS w/18v Mod
PRS Custom 24 Angry Larry
Mesa Mark V
Mesa Rectifier 4x12

Bands FB Page
#36
"Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML"

I'm sure it's been posted, but I lol'd.
Write your own lyrics or poetry? Post them HERE for a crit.
Follow me on Twitter
#37
Today, I sent a guy that I like alot a pitcure of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML
Quote by campbell92
I do hate it though, when I trip and a guy pulls his pants down at the same time and his penis goes inside my mouth.
#38
Today, was the first time I saw a man's sex organs in real life. I was in anatomy dissection class and had to pull the cadaver's testicles out of his scrotum. FML


Sounds like a fun day.
#39
Today, I finally got the balls to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked.
#40
Quote by wesleyisgay
Today, I finally got the balls to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked.

life is beautifuuuuooooaaaaaal