#1
This is about a strange situation. I have to write songs for my band and thought it was an interesting subject. If you leave any feedback I will give an in depth crit on any of your work.

When she was young the doctor said
Sorry sir your daughter is slightly retarded
Pops didn't take the news too well
Banished his innocent daughter to hell

Genie I'm sorry
Genie you'll never know a thing
Genie you'll never grant a wish
Genie you'll never know what I've said

After some time the police busted up her bottle
Gave her to people who wanted to perform miracles
They wanted to teach Genie how to be
A functioning member of society

Genie I'm sorry
Genie you'll never know a thing
Genie you'll never grant a wish
Genie you'll never know what I've said

They never got what they wanted out of her
They never ruined the little girl
They never taught Genie to see
This reality

Genie I envy
Genie you'll never know a thing
Genie you'll never grant a wish
Genie you'll never know what I've said
I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger......a man on the move and just sick enough to be totally confident.

Quote by Hexagram
Oh and Zeke, i find you to be over-rated
#2
Quote by Zeke5000
This is about a strange situation. I have to write songs for my band and thought it was an interesting subject. If you leave any feedback I will give an in depth crit on any of your work.

When she was young the doctor said
Sorry sir your daughter is slightly retarded
Pops didn't take the news too well
Banished his innocent daughter to hell
i like the idea here but the second line could be phrased differently, its just too simple as it is now, maybe you could work on that

Genie I'm sorry
Genie you'll never know a thing
Genie you'll never grant a wish
Genie you'll never know what I've said
works really good as a chorus
After some time the police busted up her bottle
i really like this line
Gave her to people who wanted to perform miracles
another good line here
They wanted to teach Genie how to be
A functioning member of society
last two lines confuse me a bit as i didn't think genie was actually the girl but i guess it works if thats what you were goin for


Genie I'm sorry
Genie you'll never know a thing
Genie you'll never grant a wish
Genie you'll never know what I've said

They never got what they wanted out of her
They never ruined the little girl
They never taught Genie to see
This reality
last line doesn't really fit, at least as i'm reading it, and the first and second lines seem to contradict each other

Genie I envy
Genie you'll never know a thing
Genie you'll never grant a wish
Genie you'll never know what I've said
i like the change up of the first line in the last chrous here


overall this was decent, sure it could use some work but you have the right idea

if possible I'd appreciate it if you could crit my latest work, i consider it to be the best i've written and i could use some feedback

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1063457

thanks- Matlock