#1
Verse 1

Wayward honey with your homemade dress
Got me transfixed the way you smoke that cigarette

Hippie parents baby, you were raised on a farm
When you smile at me sweat drips down my arm

I can’t talk to women, and you don’t give it away
I’m a dog that can’t bark, you’re a hen that won’t lay

Look so good it’s gotta be a test
I wanna spray my lovin’ all over your chest

Chorus

I never used to talk, but you make me wanna sing
Cause your pure class baby down to your opal ring

Verse 2

Pretty little doll with looks to kill
My watch is broken, after you make time stand still

Jump into my car, I’ll take you for a ride
I’ll take you anywhere just to get inside

I’m not one to lie, I don’t make false claims
I wanna take you home and wreck you like a train

I’ve never been in love, don’t know how to behave
But I’d still want that body after 6 months in the grave

Chorus

You make my ground shake, you make my pendulum swing
Cause our pure class baby down to your opal ring

Verse 3

You tell me you’re married, that you’ve got a man
That he's the one who gave you that opal ring on your hand

Don’t tell me that, I rather you be cryptic
Cause the lovin’ I’ll give you will be Apocalyptic

He’s got you in the hold, he’s got you in the pinch
But I beat him by a good 3 or 4 inch

Leave him sugar and jump in my corvette
Well drive of together into the sunset

Chorus

Yeah, you can be the queen and I’ll be the king
Cause your pure class baby down to your opal ring

I'm not 100% happy with this. There's some parts I like and some parts I don't. It's my first attempt at lyric writing so any feedback would be good.
Last edited by RollingRamones at Feb 17, 2009,
#2
Well at first all i could think of was 'Tom Petty'. Take that as a compliment, insult, whatever, i love his music. But then you started singin about 'spray my lovin all over your chest' and i lost all hope of giving these lyrics a solid review.
Yeah, uh-huh...that's what they all say.
#3
haha not bad for a first time. Much better than my stuff in my opinion and I've written about 3 songs now. In my opinion though, it was kinda raunchy (which is cool if that's what you're going for) but sometimes it almost seemed so dirty it was corny. Not bad though.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
#4
I thought it was pretty good.

It seemed really corny; like you were trying too hard to be "sexy" for lack of a better term, haha.

It's good though, the rhyming is pretty cool, haha.

'He’s got you in the hold, he’s got you in the pinch
But I beat him by a good 3 or 4 inch'

Funniest/worst line of the song.
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#5
Hmm, I put those "funny/corny parts" in because I thought the song would be kinda cliché without them. Maybe I'll take them out and re-write this with more of a serious approach.

EDIT: Nah, I like the lame parts. It makes it more personal.
Last edited by RollingRamones at Feb 17, 2009,