#1
EDIT* This has been edited multiple times since it was originally written offhand. Also, I had the idea in my head while masturbating, three hours before writing it in this little topic box.
The parenthesis lie.*


whatever.

When written true, creative writing is filming pornography; watched by fellow *****s and homosexuals.The most beautiful or vile fragments of me thrown together something choppy, I want the reader to feel what I've felt and love me for it.
More than I want them to relate, I want them to believe that I'm interesting. Validation of that is more important than love or money and feels better than an orgasm.
Should I die, someone will find my composition notebook; whether I be sinner or saint, they'll be forced to admit I was graceful at both.

I stand in the mirror and say my name like it's famous,
look out the window at the animals and spit at my ghetto.
Last edited by clichealias at Feb 12, 2009,
#2
This was very enjoyable. The last two lines were gold. I'll come back and say something useful if i think of it.
"Shall I die" shouldn't that be "Should I die"?
#5
I get what you're doing here.
But I don't really care for it.
The analogy of writing to pornography...it's hoaky.

Sorry.
For a freestyle this came off as oddly premeditated.
Poor advice.
#6
EDIT* This has been edited multiple times since it was originally written offhand. Also, I had the idea in my head while masturbating, three hours before writing it in this little topic box.
The parenthesis lie.*


man, too much truth. you think we can concentrate on your writtle after that little truthed-out confession? i ain't no priest rex
#7
Only thing in this piece that struck me were the last two. The rest was just like the ramblings of a strung out fucker. May be interesting idea; but at the end of it... you presented it in a way that made me not care how interesting it was. A tone halfway between philosophical and homeless; it was just so unbelievable that I didn't give a shit about what you were rambling on about. And the idea was interesting; but not quite fantastic enough to carry the weight of rough presentation.

Your last two though... something golden there.

Edit: "Validation of that is more important than love or money and feels better than an orgasm." That line seemed clumsy to me... like you never said half of what you wanted to, but took twice as many words as you needed.
#8
I don't know how I really feel about the piece Jake, I've read it several times now in total but haven't really felt anything from it at all. I liked the idea but the way it was presented just didn't appeal that much to me. I'm sorry but this isn't one of the better things you've written in my opinion, though it was an interesting topic, it just didn't work for me.