#1
This is the first song I've ever written, please be gentle. I know it needs a lot of work, I just had a flash of insight and threw this together in 30 minutes .

Drown in the ocean;
She’ll swim by the seafloor.
I’ll chase her through murky waters,
I’ll float ashore.
Leave her before its time;
She’ll drag me further down with the line.
I won’t stay for tomorrow,
Unless you leave by tonight.

She says I’m the childish type,
I can’t help but prove you right.

My ex says I lack in substance,
I say you’re boring me to death.

Because for now we are young,
But now, not for long;
Won’t live this through once,
I’ll try anything twice.

Sunshine gleans off the scales;
It hides what I can’t tell.
You’re competing just fine darling.
But I know you too well.
The sunlight can deceive me,
Who needs ****ing eyes to see?
I can’t stand you tonight.
So I’ll leave before tomorrow.

She said I’m the immature type,
I had ****ing fun proving you right.

My ex said my actions were juvenile,
Darling, would it be possible to shut up for awhile?

Because for now we are young,
But now, not for much longer;
I’ve lived this through once,
I’ll do anything twice.

You talk too much,
I think we hit the end.
You talk too much,
I’ll just try again.
Last edited by Siren Silently at Feb 11, 2009,
#2
Some of the verses seem to be out of placed. especially the first one. it makes me think that the song is about someone whos making your life miserable. i liked the
'' won’t stay for tomorrow,
Unless you leave by tonight.''

a lot tough.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1065319
Gear

-Schecter Tempest Custom
-Ibanez EW20WNE-NT
-Digitech Bad Monkey
-Boss TU-3
-Boss NS-2
-ibanez PM7