#1
Tears roll down your face
don’t remember what you said
I felt like broken glass
Shattered into emptiness
can’t listen to your words
just cast into the void created

I know I demand honesty
I know you didn’t want to hurt me
But I came out the other side
A better person

Your mind unravels
Like a maze it drives me crazy
There is no exit to your nightmare
You deserve much better
Than this world that’s full of ****
For you there is no end to it

I know I demand honesty
I know you didn’t want to hurt me
But I came out the other side
A better person
NO ONE EVER READS MY POSTS.
#3
Quote by michal23
Hey, read the rules about titles, then re-post this, as it looks promising

*reported*

Will do.

MODS: Don't close this thread, I'm reading the rules and will change the title as appropriate. Thanks.
NO ONE EVER READS MY POSTS.
#4
Quote by mr freezy
Tears roll down your face
don’t remember what you said
I felt like broken glass
Shattered into emptiness
can’t listen to your words
just cast into the void created
A hint of cliche in there, but it was quite decent. The flow was good, no awful rhymes... perhaps use more metaphor? But it was good.

I know I demand honesty
I know you didn’t want to hurt me
But I came out the other side
A better person
I didn't like this verse. A little in your face, pointless and boring - it doesn't hold anything that requires you to think, nor does it have any cool metaphors or vocabulary... so yeah, I'd try to replace the whole thing.

Your mind unravels
Like a maze it drives me crazy
There is no exit to your nightmare
You deserve much better
Than this world that’s full of ****
For you there is no end to it
For the genre you're writing for, this works well. I personally don't really like swearing in songs (not that it offends me, just that I never take it seriously, it makes me laugh), but this wasn't so bad.

I know I demand honesty
I know you didn’t want to hurt me
But I came out the other side
A better person
Again, I don't really like this part =)


It was decent, I'd just change what appears to be the chorus, as it's pretty weak and dull. Other than that, I enjoyed it!

Crit mine?

Either one will do:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1064529
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=18532999