#1
This is losely based on something that happend to me a few months ago.
Just looking for some ideas to make it better and such. thanks!


Hold on, let me tell ya im in no mood for your ****
Theres just way to many things on my mind
Please dont put your hands on mine right now
Im starting to get sick of your smile
And the way you do your hair

They say, to much of a good thing can be bad
But to much of you voice could kill a man
I just cant get your smell of my t-shirts
Im not being rude its just the truth

And its time for me to say, everythings not ok

So goodbye, dont call me anymore, i just need my space
And goodbye, dont think of me anymore, just try to live your life

I know, i said id be with you until the end
But the end has come and im ready to go
Sorry to leave you standing all alone
I have to do whats best for my life

I hope you understand, im not your man

So goodbye, dont call me anymore, i just need my space
And goodbye, dont think of me anymore, just try to live your life
Last edited by WeezerRocksHard at Feb 12, 2009,
#2
I really like some of the lyrics in this e.g.

They say, to much of a good thing can be bad
But to much of you voice could kill a man


Very nice play on an existing phrase, works well

Please dont put your hands on mine right now
Im starting to get sick of your smile
And the way you do your hair


I just cant get your smell of my t-shirts
Im not being rude its just the truth


These two lyrics work really well imo. They show the contrast of love and hate you can feel during a troubled relationship.

Good work mate.
#3
I always try to find a weak point to pick at, but I can't find one here. Everything's solidly written, and it keeps from getting old because of the change in rhyming schemes and line setups.
#4
Quote by herby190
I always try to find a weak point to pick at, but I can't find one here. Everything's solidly written, and it keeps from getting old because of the change in rhyming schemes and line setups.


+1

Cheers for the the crit on mine, and like herby190 said, there don't seem to be any flaws at all. Keep up the good work!