#1
This song is about being stranded in a house with someone you can't stand to be with (anymore) while a massive blizzard falls outside.


Comments much appreciated.


Man on TV says it could drop below the teens
An angel colored blanket could paint the outdoor scenes
But through the house a cold wind blows the season didn't bring
And the colder that it gets inside the more I pray for spring


Inch by inch it falls so fast collecting on the ground
Through the hallways and the bedrooms there's no trace of any sound
And she still pretends I don't exist, that I was never here
And the outside's looking warmer than this dreary atmosphere


And the snow falls down on a sleepless night (x2)


Well it's just too cold to exit, to try to get away
The roads are frozen over, so I guess I'm here to stay
Now the heat's gone out and all we have is a blanket in the hall
So we bite our tongues and move in close, staring at adjacent walls


Then her cell phone rings, she answers, she puts it to her head
I know I've never met him, but I still wish he was dead
Theres a window to the outside world covered in a sheet of white
And I'm praying for the sun to come out early on this night


And the snow falls down on a sleepless night (x4)
#2
let me preface by saying I'm no writing expert by any means, so definitely take this with a grain of salt:

You paint a pretty good picture, but I have a problem with the form. You have a pretty basic rhyme scheme, though definitely solid. The problem I have is with the meter; you don't seem to keep it consistent. This could be a problem when you're trying to sing this over some music, because it'll sound "choppy." Try to keep track of how many syllabols you use per phrase (line) and create some kind of pattern (either line by line or stanza by stanza). You don't need it to be this way, but unless you think you already have a way in mind to pull it off vocally, you should stick to a solid form.
Last edited by hmendez86 at Feb 13, 2009,