#1
There’s a woman,
Who lives down the street from me.
Her name is Mrs. Jones,
She’s nothing out of the ordinary.

Strangely one day,
The police men came to her door.
She didn’t open it,
So they smashed it to the floor.

Mrs. Jones had been working,
For Al Qaeda.
In your streets she's been lurking,
For Al Qaeda.

They bundled her outside,
And shoved her into a police van,
She kicked and punched,
With the strength of a full grown man.

Mrs. Jones had been working,
For Al Qaeda.
In your streets she's been lurking,
For Al Qaeda.

Now she is in prison,
That sweet little old lady,
Who actually,
Turned out to be shady.

Mrs. Jones had been working,
For Al Qaeda.
In your streets she's been lurking,
For Al Qaeda.

She got life,
For passing information.
To Al Qaeda,
Without any hesitation.

Mrs. Jones had been working,
For Al Qaeda.
In your streets she's been lurking,
For Al Qaeda.
Last edited by punkrocker8895 at Feb 18, 2009,
#2
This is very intelligent - even if humour wasn't your goal, you've certainly accomplished it with great simplicity and cynicism.
#3
Quote by punkrocker8895
There’s a woman,
Who lives down the street from me.
Her name is Mrs. Jones,
She’s not much for the eye to see.

But then one day,
her not being 'much for the eye to see' just made her sound unattractive, rather than very normal, so I suggest something other than 'but' to start this line
The police men came to her door.
She didn’t open it,
So they smashed it to the floor.

Mrs. Jones had been working,
For Al Qaeda.
In her house she’s been lurking,
For Al Qaeda.
'lurking' for Al Qaeda doesn't quite make sense to me. You don't really lurk in your own house, and you don't really lurk for someone.

They bundled her outside,
And shoved her into a police van,
She kicked and punched,
With the strength of a full grown man.

Mrs. Jones had been working,
For Al Qaeda.
In her house she’s been lurking,
For Al Qaeda.

Now she is in prison,
That sweet little old lady,
Who actually,
Turned out to be shady.

Mrs. Jones had been working,
For Al Qaeda.
In her house she’s been lurking,
For Al Qaeda.

She got life,
For passing information.
To Al Qaeda,
Without much hesitation.
That last line isn't very strong because of the 'much' being used to top the syllable count. You can think of something more effective

Mrs. Jones had been working,
For Al Qaeda.
In her house she’s been lurking,
For Al Qaeda.


What Dan said, this is intelligent and a good read
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#5
Quote by DigUpHerBones
You don't really lurk in your own house


I lurk UG

Sorry for cluttering up your thread dude but it needed to be said.
#6
Now she is in prison,
That sweet little old lady,
Who actually,
Turned out to be shady.

that elicited a laugh, haha. But yes change, 'lurk' it doesn't make sense.


And may I be the first to say:


MeeEEEEeeEEEeeEEEeEEe... and....


mrs.... mrs joness (mrsjones mrs jones mrs jones mrs jones...)

we got a thiiiiinnnggg, goingnn onnn
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#7
Quote by punkrocker8895
Thnks ive changed the main song now

Please comment on https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=18612295#post18612295


Please, when someone posts a comment on your piece, or even a full length crit, be happy to judge them with that. c4c. If someone reads your piece in depth and replies accordingly, it is polite to return the favour. Asking someone to comment on another one of your pieces when they've taken the time to do so on one already could be seen as rude, especially if all you do in return is add a hurried 'thnks'.
Just a note
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#8
sorry i put tht at the end of all my posts. it wasnt directed at you but at anyone else who viewed the song.
I am very grateful for your comment and am sorry if i did offend you
#9
Yeah lurking makes little sense.

This was tight, if not the greatest thing ever. A solid piece of lyric.

Remember, the more thoughtful the comment you leave on other's pieces means more time put into one's on yours.

Keep it up, bubba.
#10
has anyone got any ideas for a change of lurking because i cant think oif one except smirking and i cant make that fit
#11
Hey dude. It seems you're having trouble with the 'lurking' part.

Maybe try changing the first half of the chorus to something like,

Mrs. Jones had been busy/scheming/ or anything else, then your second part might be easier than trying to rhyme something with worker. lol
#13
Everyone seems to hate 'lurking' but I quite liked it, it made the whole thing seem more 'ridiculous' which I think added to the humour of the piece a lot.

I quite enjoyed it, the message of it was fantastic.