#1
Well, I was listening to Katy Perry's "Thinking of You" and I got this.

She's with him
And my hate grows stronger
Than the love I once had
Not for her, but for him
But I can see it in her eyes
At least that's what my dilusion is
But....I can only hope...that

(ch)When she's with him
She's thinkin of me
When she looks in his eyes
It's me she sees
I can only wish that one day
She'll realize what she's done to me
But until then, but until then...Oh...let me dream...

It wasn't long ago
We had it all planned out
How'd we'd grow old together
But she threw it all away
Just because she didn't wanna commit
I donno what my problems is
But I hope that....
(ch)

It doesn't seem like
Things are gettin better
Oh, it just gets worse
Each passing day
To see her with him tears me in two
It's driving me insane
But I just hope...that

(ch)

(br)In this thing called love
Things ain't always fair
Win some, lose a lot
That's the way it goes
But just remember that...

When she's with him
She's thinkin of you
When she looks in his eyes
It's you she sees
You can only wish that one day
She'll realize what she's done to you
But until then, but until then...Oh...just dream

(ch)
I'M IN THE FIGHT TO CURE CYSTIC FIBROSIS...MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!


Quote by JustRooster
I'm a straight man, but I'd put that surfcaster right in my mouth.



Quote by JD2k9
Well, life is like a penis.
Women make it hard.
Also, it's short but seems long when it gets hard.
#2
Sweet, I actually really like that! Its kinda like, twisted and pretty depressing, ha ha.

I actually would love to see a reference to the whole "all's fair in love and war" thing in the bridge, but that's just me. Seeing the words together, it just kinda screams at me, y'know?

"(br)In this thing called love
Things ain't always fair
Win some, lose a lot
That's the way it goes
But just remember that..." <-- That's the bridge right?

I don't really know how you'd work it into there, but whatever, I think it'd work.
I was gonna post my last.fm but I figured I would get slammed for listening to the wrong shit
#3
Thanks. Yeah that's the bridge. I get crazy with my abbreviations and their placements.

Yeah that line seemed almost cliche to me, and plus my rhythm for it didn't really ring with it. I may toy with that line in another song or poem. Then again, I may go back and toy with it in the bridge, too.

At any rate, thanks for the crit.
I'M IN THE FIGHT TO CURE CYSTIC FIBROSIS...MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!


Quote by JustRooster
I'm a straight man, but I'd put that surfcaster right in my mouth.



Quote by JD2k9
Well, life is like a penis.
Women make it hard.
Also, it's short but seems long when it gets hard.
#4
I liked it, it reminds me more of what me and my soon to be ex are going through more then the song I wrote about it...dont know how that works haha didnt see any major problems good job