#1
Written by myself, a bandmember, Batman, and a good friend. Primarily by me, they just helped edit and stuffz.


This is part of a conceptual epic I'm writing so it might now make perfect sense, and it still isn't fully written, but I'd like to know what you think of it as far as it is complete.

I also haven't fully structured the song, so its currently just verses, prechorus and chorus. . . oh well. I'm taking it slowly, since many of the sins are similar, yet I need them to stand apart...

[spoken lines] I've always wanted emotions. Ever since that dream, I've felt like I needed them. Maybe I have them, I just don't realize... Humans have emotions. Look at them. Look at their sins[/spoken lines]


[VERSES]

LUST [falsetto'd]
Powerless to stop these urges,
That disgusting feeling in your gut
All you do is stimulate
Breeding children breeding hate
Try to hide your loved ones from it
While you try and pretend to shun it
But in reality
Its your only need
How bout this?
Stop succumbing
Quit becoming
The demon that you hide
From the ones. You. Love.


GLUTTONY [screamed]
Taking all you want
Using it to taunt
Those who stand below you
You eat and eat forever
You take and kill together
A team of selfish sins
Such selfish sins
Just try. Try and scrub the dirt.
Just try, try and it will hurt
The pain that you've built yourself
You're in too ****ing deep
You'll never escape
It must be fate
You're ****ed yourself over with all your possessions.


AVARICE [nu-metal rapped]
Stab you in the back
Disloyalty, treason for no reason
Bribery is wrong, gonna do it to get what you want?
Scavenging and hoarding
Theft and robbery
Using violence, trickery,
Manipulation of authority
Take them down from their former glory
To get what you want
For what you "need"
Take an example of doing whats wrong
You've gone far enough to make them bleed?
To fall so deep doesn't take long
You'll take a chance and **** with your own creed?


[PRE-CHORUS]

With every move you make
Your grave moves a little deeper
With every breath you take
The wolf comes closer to the door


[CHORUS]

We can touch the face of God, or stare into the mouth of Hell
We deface the truth of God, raised on virtues you cannot sell.
(NO MORE SOUL FOR YOU TO SELL)
How you live is how you die
Whether you fall or if you fly
When did morality fail?
I was gonna post my last.fm but I figured I would get slammed for listening to the wrong shit
Last edited by DestronPrime at Feb 14, 2009,
#2
I like it. You seem to go all over the place with the screamish type things...

I, however didn't like the use of the word gut, to me heart fits better. I also failed to see the point in saying **** and it's variants, but each to their own. Also It should be you've, not you're. This doesn't fit the mold of my musical taste. However, as far as songwriting goes, it's a well put together piece. Kudos
I'M IN THE FIGHT TO CURE CYSTIC FIBROSIS...MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!


Quote by JustRooster
I'm a straight man, but I'd put that surfcaster right in my mouth.



Quote by JD2k9
Well, life is like a penis.
Women make it hard.
Also, it's short but seems long when it gets hard.
#3
Ah, thanks!

Actually this is like COMPLETELY out of my normal comfort zone. See, I really want this movement to be like thrash and riff based, when I listen to a lot of melodic stuff and it shows in my lyrics. Its really supposed to be an angry section. As a matter of fact, I'll need to practice my singing for stuff like this, since I'm a pretty soft vocalist... I can do the new metal rap thing, but I know I'm gonna have trouble with the other stuff...

I'll update it when I write more!
I was gonna post my last.fm but I figured I would get slammed for listening to the wrong shit
#4
Ah, I see.

If you want, you can check out and crit my Untitled OTS on the top page. I'll come back and edit the link in this post.

EDIT: Here ya go. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1068311
I'M IN THE FIGHT TO CURE CYSTIC FIBROSIS...MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!


Quote by JustRooster
I'm a straight man, but I'd put that surfcaster right in my mouth.



Quote by JD2k9
Well, life is like a penis.
Women make it hard.
Also, it's short but seems long when it gets hard.
Last edited by Just_a_picker at Feb 14, 2009,