Poll: it is down to you and it is down to me
Poll Options
View poll results: it is down to you and it is down to me
blue
6 40%
red
9 60%
Voters: 15.
#1
A Hollow Costume

I sit alone,
woodstove burning slow
turning this humble home
into a smokehouse.
Sipping on oak-aged scotch
and patience,
it's no wonder I've almost run dry.

It's white out, it's warm in,
temperatures rise with
the increase of crackling,
burning a mix of maple and cherry.
I refuse to turn my chair
to face towards the door, besides,
we've all been late before.

Rough hands nurturing glass
I subtly swirling my drink around
with my left, never putting it down
as I add wood to the fire.
A quick glance at my phone
to make sure I didn't miss her call.
No, I didn't miss anything... Well...

One more sip and I've run out, so I pour another;
another ghost made of balance and bones,
another reason for eyelids to fall,
and another reminder of why I had never invited her
over tonight in the first place.

It seems winter changes more than just the weather.



the wolf

aluminum outfits
reduced to alchemy
the cacophony
of absolute euphony
rings out
the night soon
in the jaws of the howl

trail markers
construct the horizon
streetlights bright
against the snow

metal flesh soft
sallow men cross the hearts
with shears
slit the stomach and arms
white hot

headlights make the shadows tall
the door scraps fall
lanterns beacon
the unconditional

windows open ears
listen to the impossible bleating
a woman crying,
the cracklehiss of tears freezing to cheeks,
they peel his forehead from the leather
and place the soaking
skin safe inside her maw

I secure the drapes
but the moon somehow brushes my face
when I dream tonight I dream of
the exhaust rising in clumps behind her legs
like blood separating from water
#3
blue...

it blows that you guys have winter in my summer.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#4
*votes*

I think the idea of telling people who you vote for is a bad one. It influences people's opinions so that they go with the crowd, rather than with what they actually think.
#5
you can see who people vote for regardless. Besides, if you're that fickle so as to be swayed by how another individual is voting then you have bigger problems than just the fairness of internet poetry polls.
#6
I know which one I would vote for, but that would be cheating. (I honestly feel it's the better piece. Blue would be better served as a prose piece. It switched between tenses and voices [passive vs. present] more times than I could keep track of or care about. Blue's filled with hollow attempts to turn a phrase [what does white out, warm in even do for the piece except for take my attention out of what is actually happening] and a title that barely has to do with anything without an incredible stretch of the imagination. Red has a problem with not being explicit about the experience being described and without a common rhyme scheme it appears more scattered than it should. The imagery should be consolidated to a few instances of sound or visuals and those should be expounded upon. Red should start with the second stanza, the first doesnt bring the reader in enough. I still love the ending. Bottom line: I felt sadness after reading the second [regardless of whose it is] and I felt nothing after reading the first.)

Oh well, good luck to both competitors.
#7
Quote by #1 synth
you can see who people vote for regardless. Besides, if you're that fickle so as to be swayed by how another individual is voting then you have bigger problems than just the fairness of internet poetry polls.


With all due respect, everyone is influenced by everyone else's opinions, especially when someone like a mod posts their opinion. I've seen a lot of polls at this point, and generally momentum gathers for one piece or another. I try not to be influenced by others, but since that is pretty much impossible, I think the best thing to do is just vote and be done with it.


... but since people can see who voted for whom anyways, it's all pretty much useless. oh well. sorry to clutter up your poll steve.

EDIT: ha well i'm probably just bitter that mine didn't make it
Last edited by Hesh at Feb 15, 2009,
#8
hah, the blue bar is red and the red bar is blue!
oh mercy...
Check out my band Spin-Offs
Comfort and Biscuits and Pineapple Juice now on my profile.
Any feedback appreciated

Quote by uk.mace
That's brilliant!


GO HUGS THREAD!!!
#13
neither of these did anything for me.
Blue tried [and failed] to rely on tone--there was little substance to back it up.

Red did the same, but in a sneakier way.


meh.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.