#1
so here are my lyrics. i called it 25:30.

(verse?)
is this time ours? or are we burning ours desires?
this fire will not ignite.
lets waste more time, on nothing.

(chorus?)
im trying to figure out whats right.
should we run?
or should we wait? i might
i'll see you (25:30)

(breakdown?)
this unrequited love.
just a waste of time?
how long, before you are mine?

(verse?)
the constant ache
of holding back whats right.
this fire will not ignite.
lets kill some time, all for nothing.

this time never comes.
this clocks not good enough

so yeh..tell me what you all think. dont flame me too hard though haha
thanks.
#3
No bumping allowed. I might have to report you for that. (Just kidding, I don't care). Anyways, onto the crit. First of all the first line is too long. I would consider spiltting it in half. Also the last lines of the chorus "i might/i'll see you" seem like they were jsut tacked on. They don't fit well. Also, I think you can definitely expand more on this piece. It seems like a rough outline. You have some good ideas ("The constant ache of holding back wahts right" is great) and there is plenty of imagery you can use when it comes to the subject of time. Also, the fire imagery here just seems like it was thrown in. I t feels too cliche. Like I said before I would consider sticking with the time imagery. (making time, heartbeats keeping time, watch, clocks, pendulums, etc.) Anyways, i hope I didn't flame you too bad and I hope my suggestion help.

Take a look at mine if you have time
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1068704