#1
I don't have much in me these days.


The repossesed van was the biggest setback of my life, towed from
a street in a neighborhood I'd never been to while I slept.
In the bed in the back you told me, "Everything will start to look up."
You lied right to my face when you told me "Everything will start to look up," when
nothing started to look up.
To wake up on a stretch of hardwood floor in the crawlspace of a Louisville
dorm room to see a rat-like townie caressing my shirtless abdomen with his cock.
To roam stretches of thick snow to a fast food joint to order a water and
sneak a cup of soda in it instead just to fill my stomach.
To dumpster dive, not for freegan status,
Passed out on venue marble with a curled up paint drop cloth as a matress,
And the fingernails keep getting longer,
And the dirt in them keeps getting thicker,
And the teeth keep getting yellow,
And the Polaroid you snuck in my canvas bag has been burned by cigarettes
and now there's no face of me, just the body next to Golden Blue,
the girl I gave my life up for to pick up off my doorstep,
What a waste.
What a shameful display of kindness.
I should've left you on that stoop to be drowned in letters from the mailman.
Letters I've stopped opening, piling in the driver's seat and on the love seat
filling the side where you left your crease.

In a fit of spiritual uplift and a case of the wilds I payed pocket money
to spend a week in a friend's recording studio for awhile with green beer,
A carton of smokes and a fat shit stuffed with Pine Sol.
I pulled every O'Connor off the wall.
Every Faulkner.
Every Nietzche and wrapped them around my fat face and screamed into them,
muffled torment like a pillow and plugged everything in -
Guitars, bass, keyboards, Casiotones, Alesis Micron synthesizers, bagpipes,
drumkits, harmonicas, mandolins, banjos, steel guitars and I left them on a
steady buzz of white noise, crawling outside on hands and knees, memories
flashing in my head like first year Film school jumpcuts from people stealing people
stealing people stealing people stealing people,
Your face in the van.
Your hand on my cheek.
My cheek on your cheek.
My cheek in your lap.
Your lap on my face.
My hand on your legs.
Your hands in my hair.
"Everything will start to look up."
The sound of my yell brought the neighbors from their homes to applaud my meta madness and I bowed for them. They circled me with banners reading "Randy the Brave" and I led them back inside and they all started to chant that Pat Benetar bombast: "Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang, I am the warrior!" I hit the lights and stood center.
"You! On the drums."
"You, pick up that guitar."
"You, little girl. No, you with the bangs - Over to the synth, just hit this one note right here, pound on it!"
Fifty complete strangers filled the confines of the basement studio and the framed pictures of local Dayton musicians rattled in their place, and I swung the microphone up over my head and I didn't even have to tell them the words, because they knew from the start all 22 years of neglect and the Salinger family tree that shot hawks out the sky, sliding past those yellow teeth, running from my heart:
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
Keep it steady, Phil, alright!
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
Key of B, Alice, come in now!
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
"You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
*Solo*
Poor advice.
Last edited by stellar_legs at Feb 14, 2009,
#2
And yes, I deleted the original and re-posted this because I wanted to change the title.
Poor advice.
#3
Quote by stellar_legs
And yes, I deleted the original and re-posted this because I wanted to change the title.


I don't know if this is considered bumping or not, but that could have been said in the original post, so

*reported*

also,
*raises flameshield*

EDIT: The aura of "regularness" prevails once again.
NEXTEDIT: I knew this was a bad idea...
Last edited by Hesh at Feb 15, 2009,
#4
^Seriouslynarc?

randy, this made me laugh and cry, nearly completely literally, so many times.

this was ****ing beautiful. I am so glad you shared it There's a desperate hope in it that... **** it, i dunno, I just liked it a lot.
#5
haha, i was waiting for someone to take the piss of hesh.

yeah, this was a fantastic journey.
#9
Quote by Hesh
I don't know if this is considered bumping or not, but that could have been said in the original post, so

*reported*

also,
*raises flameshield*

EDIT: The aura of "regularness" prevails once again.



You, get the **** off my forum.


Randy, "You lied to me when you told me "Everything will look up!"
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#10
colours.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#11
Thanks everyone.
Wasn't sure if that was bumping or not, so whatever.


I need to do my share of returning crits, so leave anything.
Poor advice.
#12
jesus **** man you really make me feel something and I don't know what it is. This was perfect
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#13
as bloody pointless as my crit was, am I right to PM you if i put up a new one? no point critting the current one, its dead. And while I'm thinking of it:
"Your face in the van.
Your hand on my cheek.
My cheek on your cheek.
My cheek in your lap.
Your lap on my face.
My hand on your legs.
Your hands in my hair.
"Everything will start to look up." "
-that is one of my favourite parts, this gradual densing of an image after this explosion of information. Brilliant
#14
Quote by culex-knight
You, get the **** off my forum.


If TS was a noob you guys would be eating his ass for DP. Whats with the good ole boys network here? This isn't your forum, its UGs. Regulars should be bound by the same rules as everyone else.

hahah, "eating his ass for DP"

While I'm here, I thought it was alright. I liked the part about drowning in letters on the doorstep. Its not my thing but its good. That being said, I still think your friends are being too easy on you.
Last edited by Dionietzsche at Feb 16, 2009,
#15
^ Completely. But if it was a n00b, simple fact is no one would have noticed.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#18
just want to reitirate something:

you are probably the most visceral writer I have ever read. which isnt to say that sometimes that raw imagery shouldnt be pared down or balanced with some other things, but, jesus man,

if you published something I would buy it for about $5.99 plus tax. Which is to say, I would pay for your stuff in a heartbeat. But it's awesome to be able to read it for free. And it's still hard for me to believe that you are still improving with each piece you write.

Randy.
#19
Yeah, to me!
Fuck yeah, I'm the best!
I'm not normal like all of you!
Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!


Thanks guys.
Poor advice.
#20
too many of the same connectives in several sentences. stumble over words and ruins the effect of some great ideas e.g. sneaking soda into a water cup.

it's all very predictable now. i see a piece by you and i know exactly what's coming. i used to like that but it's just getting old for me now. it's not working in your favor anymore. i got bored of this and had to struggle to finish it - feel like i've read it all before. i don't mean specifically in terms of themes or your writing style generally. it's perfectly reasonable to expect to keep a consistency with those, but, well, less conscious things. how long you can go without referencing something arguably unnecessary, for instance. it just bores me to be honest.
Last edited by skagitup at Feb 17, 2009,
#22
it's entirely possible for pieces to transcend the need for authorial originality. this just didn't do it for me.