#1
Hey everyone,

This is the first thing I've written in 6 months. Does that mean this marks a return to writing? Who can say. But here it is for any of you all who may have wondered "hey, where'd that one guy go?" To me it feels like less fire than before. But I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

If you want a return crit. I'd be happy to (I think), just leave a link in your reply.


Bulldog

The first time I meet my lawyer, John Budlong,
his eyes blue and fierce as icicle daggers,
I realize his name is a near anagram
for Bulldog.

You have a drinking problem,
Bulldog says as if naming a state capital,
You know that, right?

I can feel my eyes widen.
Mom's look like a dam the moment before bursting-
the flood waters of sadness.

After the arrest, I didn't tell her for three days,
stomach of rocks and lava.
I'd burst into wakefulness early every morning,
the shock of lightning sizzling in my brain,
dress halfway, then pace, shirtless and barefoot,
the pointed pebbles of the driveway barely breaking
the skin.

You have a drinking problem,

Bulldog says and stares into me,
his eyes a pair of burnished blades
with one silent and simple demand:
Say it.

When I told her she yowled
like a great beast, trapped with a red chest,
the force of it shaking the cage, the walls, her flesh
and mine, the door slamming itself on its springs
as she slumped on the steps outside, head and knees
drawn to the center, shaking slightly as she sobbed.
She looked like the rocks on the edge of a canyon,
like she might collapse into herself.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
Last edited by less than that at Feb 17, 2009,
#2
yeah
so
im
just
gonna
throw
this
out
there


HOLY FECKING SHOOT
THESE ARE AMAZING LYRICS
Speak the truth and speak 'ever
Cost it what it will
For he who hide the wrong he did
Did the wrong thing still
#3
haha you're probably my favorite name to see post something. I was worried you wouldn't again but please stick around. I'm gonna agree that this lacked a touch that some of your stuff that I've read has had that really impacted me but still this was good. I love you're style. Sorry for not being constructive :/

and while i'm thinking of it, thanks for writing some of the stuff you've posted here in the past.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#4
Being relatively new here, I haven't read anything else you've written. But this piece was refreshing and literal, humorous and sympathetic. I really enjoyed reading it in a visceral sort of way, unlike most of what's posted here, which is more on the intellectual level. I will definitely keep up with anything else you write. Like the above poster, sorry for not being constructive.
#6
This felt a little repetitive. When the third verse began, from that point on there was a sentence of reality and story, then there was an analogy, a further description and a display of imagery. Every verse felt predicatable, even though the story wasn't.
I love the combination of sureal and reality, but not in the step by step that this has.
Now, what I've just mentioned is not important, really, it's only me nitpicking. I thought it was really good overall. Everything else was stellar and perfect.
#7
It indeed lacks the gunpowder.

But I have no doubts that you'll find where you stored that. If you really want to.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching