#1
Hey this is just something i wrote for closure. I think its pretty good but lemmie know your suggestions. I got music for it too

Verse 1:
My mind drifts back to those nights, when we would stay up
Just reading each others eyes, because words weren’t enough
Then I wake up to find, it was all in my mind
And I’m missin’ the vision I dreamed
Cause each kiss that you gave, and every touch you had placed
Now leave me bruises and permanent scars

Chorus
So I will forget you, forget all of it you
Had put my through, you’re split in two
It’s not worth our memories, they’re just false serenities
And time has proven that it can’t heal

Verse 2
We wanted a break, our time was up
But I never expected you to hurt so much
Cause your bitter words, just don’t fit who you were
And there’s something I can’t understand
Just how quickly you, could blow me a kiss or two
And then roll yourself back on top of him

Chorus

You might think that I am running away
But remember dear, you’re the one who’s changed
You can leave your friends and run away with him
But I can guarantee you will be back again
But I won’t feel down anymore
Cause I’ll scream it out, I’m happy now
Better ever than I was before

Chorus
#2
I just went theough a bad breakup, and its the best time to write. Man I needed to read this, its good, flows nicely. good job!
Follow me on twitter and junk @GodDammitZack
#3
thanks bro i appreciate it. that's why we write; to support ourselves and each other. glad to help
#4
Quote by aceofclubs52
Hey this is just something i wrote for closure. I think its pretty good but lemmie know your suggestions. I got music for it too

Verse 1:
My mind drifts back to those nights, when we would stay up
Just reading each others eyes, because words weren’t enough
Then I wake up to find, it was all in my mind
And I’m missin’ the vision I dreamed
Cause each kiss that you gave, and every touch you had placed
Now leave me bruises and permanent scars

Very good opening, the last verse seems to be a little werid though


Chorus
So I will forget you, forget all of it you
Had put my through, you’re split in two
It’s not worth our memories, they’re just false serenities
And time has proven that it can’t heal

I loved this, good job didnt see anything wrong

Verse 2
We wanted a break, our time was up
But I never expected you to hurt so much
Cause your bitter words, just don’t fit who you were
And there’s something I can’t understand
Just how quickly you, could blow me a kiss or two
And then roll yourself back on top of him

The first two lines are great, and the last two were too, the rest was good too but I think the first and second lines really make this verse

Chorus

You might think that I am running away
But remember dear, you’re the one who’s changed
You can leave your friends and run away with him
But I can guarantee you will be back again
But I won’t feel down anymore
Cause I’ll scream it out, I’m happy now
Better ever than I was before

Once again the first 2 lines are great, but honestly those are the only two lines I like in this verse

Chorus


This was a great song, I know what your going through, and honestly the song I would like you to crit is about the same subject haha. I didnt see any problems in the beginning seen a few at the end but they arent that big great job if you dont mind criting Untitled OTS in my sig I would appericate it