icronic
...
Join date: Aug 2004
2,638 IQ
#1
Well as the title suggests this one is a work in progress, but I figured I'd post it anyway just to get some feedback before it becomes any more massive than it already is.

I've no idea what you'd classify this song as, perhaps "happy non-metal instrumental multi-guitar piece"

A couple notes:

This is RSE ONLY if you don't have GP5, I've made an MP3 version of the song and put it in my profile. The song is NOT mixed for midi yet. All of the volumes are way off.

Drums are not nearly done. I plan on doing a full rewrite once I've got everything else done.

An intro/outro still need to be done.

And I've yet to figure out where to take this piece after the second guitar solo. Either some kind of entirely new theme or perhaps a reprise of the beginning.

C4C as always, the more crit you give, the more crit I give.
Attachments:
Chords.zip
Armanno
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2008
87 IQ
#2
I actually really liked it, keep working on it! I want to see the end product.
Guitars:
-Schecter C-1 Plus
-MIM Tele
Amp:
-Vox AD50VT
Pedals:
-Dunlop Crybaby
-Boss MD-2 Mega Distortion
-Ibanez CF7 Chorus/Flanger

Hopefully more to come.
Gerbs
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2007
1,508 IQ
#3
Wow. That was a really nice, chilled song. I'd try to give you some areas to improve, but as far as I can see, there isn't really all that many!

Perhaps, instead of writing an intro, just enter there, with a drum fill prior to it? I don't really know, I can't envisage any intro leading up to this. Maybe just a nice chilled drum groove, fading in. Ask some drumming buddies of yours to give you one

I really like all the layering of guitars on this track, the lead lines are pretty much fantastic. I'm a bassist myself so can't give you as much crit on these parts of guitar work (not saying that a bassist can't solo : P), but as far as I can tell you've nailed it. It keeps the song fresh.

Obviously, like you've said the drums need doing. That's the only major downside the song has at the moment, but that will be rectified.

By the end, the progression starts to get a little overused. But the lead line is fine in breaking up that. A few fills here and there wouldn't hurt either.

Ending is abrupt, like you say it needs to be written. I suggest slowly taking out the instruments, until you end on either only drums, going into a little groove, or just the acoustic. Though it's up to you, of course. Did you have any ideas in mind?
silhouettica
Plays Red Instruments.
Join date: Jan 2007
1,566 IQ
#4
Critting as I listen...

Acoustics are a nice background to the lead melody, which I like a lot. The next melody, with the 4 guitars was a little much, it seemed like there was too much going on too soon. Just as an idea, maybe you could use some sort of thing to build up into it? Maybe some keyboards or something? Actually, a Violin sound would be good there.

Next lead melody is cool, very chill, and leads into the solo well. I can already tell where this track is going from here, and it's a good place. The acoustic guitars add a very happy feel to the piece, it reminds me of leaves for some reason.

After the solo, you do this cool thing where the six guitars sound really good together, and not like too much. I especially like the bass during this part, especially from 36- through the rest

Second guitar solo was amazing. I especially liked the beginning of it. It hit all the right notes, and actually felt as emotional as I think is possible with Guitar Pro.

And of course, it needs an ending. I'm not quite sure what I would end this with, but I can bet you'll think of something good. This song was fantastic. I really liked the solowork, and only have a few minor suggestions.

Would you mind critting mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1071099

Thanks!
My Old Progressive Metal Band:
Acrasia
For fans of Between The Buried and Me, Dream Theater, Cynic.

My New Progressive Rock/Djent Band:
Wings Denied
For fans of Deftones, Tesseract, Periphery, Karnivool, Cynic.
Qazo
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2007
403 IQ
#5
I just listened to your song and i really liked it. So many of the songs i listen to in this forum get dull very quickly so i don't end up listening all the way through. I listened to your song all the way through and wanted more!! Really good stuff.

Im afraid i cant help you with how to finish and start it (im not that good at writing myself!) But I think that something of a slow into and slower outro would be nice to give more emphasis for the middle that you have made.

Great!

I you would like to take a look at my song "You will Find me Here" that would be awesome - there is a link in my sig or you can click on this link: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=929800
Quote by philjay
*Picks up TT like handbag and smacks you over the head like an angry granny *
Try that with your rocker 30


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Last edited by Qazo at Feb 19, 2009,
Madzää
Failing at n00b language
Join date: Apr 2008
1,550 IQ
#6
So lets start. Acoustic intro, set the mood for the song. I personally thought it would be the opening to a Avril Lavigne-esque song. Which is good, because I quite like her old stuff. Then there are that lot of melodies. It´s nice that you took all the time to write them, but I personally think they are unneccesary there. Maybe have 1 melody stand out, and not just drowning the listener. I also think your note choice is odd sometimes. It feels like there are too many notes in there sometimes. This got better when it hit the 14th bar. The guitar Solo following it up was wuite nice. Parts of it sounded like you played it live. Can I see some Joe Satriani influence in some licks there? The only thing I´d change was the rhythm of the last note of each bar starting with the melody at bar 30 in the lead. It grew to me after a few listens, but I think it still sounds a bit odd. Nice arranging with the guitars after the solo, this was an arrangement I really liked, it left the listener room to breathe in. The first few bars of the outro had a nice note choice. I´d play a 11p9h11 instead of the 11 rest 11 in bar 55, tho, but it sounded nice either way. I am no fan of bends, as you might have seen from previous solos of mine, but this one had well put bends in it. I´m more of a slide guy myself. The only thing I´d change about the solo ending is to end with a faster run, maybe 16th note0 triplets, which seem to be nearly non-existant throughout the whole song. I´d enjoy some more work on the bass lines, too. Maybe some more fills, and some 3rds, 4ths and 5ths as a note choice for the bass, but it worked this way too, without to much counterpoint melody from the bass. Sorry for critting only negative aspects, but I´ve seen you around posting in this forum & giving advice, so I think you know the abilities you can do best.

Quite a nice song you got there
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com
icronic
...
Join date: Aug 2004
2,638 IQ
#7
Thanks for the crits so far guys. I've been making some pretty good progress on this one. I've extended the beginning a little giving all those little melodies time to sink in, instead of just jumping through each one so quickly to get to the solo.

Anyway, after the second solo I've returned it to a variation on the slow theme from the first half of the song, another short solo, which goes back to a variation on the octave kind of thing, which will end up just fading out.

I am however absolutely stumped on the drums. Ideas suggestions examples will earn you a life time of free crit from me The best I've come so far is an idea I "borrowed" from Gerbs latest song, and it kinda works, but isn't quite right either.
Madzää
Failing at n00b language
Join date: Apr 2008
1,550 IQ
#8
I made a drumtrack for the whole song, with different fills & co-operating with the guitar work. I hope you like it and maybe use parts of it for your own drumtrack.
Attachments:
Chords.zip
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com
rodrigomierh
havok 32
Join date: Jul 2005
949 IQ
#9
I really enjoyed this. The melodies are great, although I think you should add some speed up parts, to spice things a little bit. Listen to "if i could fly" by Joe Satriani, and you'll know what I mean; That song starts almost like yours but as it goes along the lead guitar starts to grow n grow and at some points it has faster licks in between. Back to your song, The build-up at 49 sounds great and the chord thingy at 61 rocks too, but then it just ends abruptly.
You should hurry up and finish this cause it's good. Nice job!

PS. Mind critting mine?(new one in sig) Thanks.