#1
LONG ! C4C ! (leave link)

[Compie's piece]


In nights like this, urban myths dread to go outside and every god stabbed their eyes, for never the earth had sweated so much sin. Cupid kissed Nix on the forehead and left his lair with wings as vigorous as a teen on its prime.
On his way, he taunted clouds too thick with bolts; they weren’t divine enough to stop him. What stopped was the rain, when he hit the tidal waves on the soil’s puddle.

May the debauchery begin!

He looked around to contemplate the middle/upper-class dwellings all with lights turned on; imagining two lovers lay on a couch, watching a tearjerker. Later on, they would sit in front of the fireplace and fall asleep on the floor, perfectly together. No sex, no savagery, no sin to be sweated; just pure, sweet, annoyingly tedious infatuation. These would not deserve thy shot.

While Cupid kept walking through the street, a couple could be seen under an umbrella, although it was not raining. He thought “What is the logic of that? What do they win with it?”, then walked through their souls and kissed both their hearts. It was going to be a wild night for them…

At the end of the street there was a hill on the city’s opposite direction. On the other side of it, Cupid could hear the sound of a symphony, a waltz, a song the angels couldn’t sing. Marvelled, he prayed to Chronos, begging for time to stop, so he could freely spread his wings to get his job done quicker. Think no wrong, he loved what he done, he did it for love itself, but time wanes and at midnight his goal should be hitting its climax.
It was answered; Cupid felt the earth stop spinning around its axis and clouded stars he didn’t see blinked to him no more. Still, time flew.

“Did you hear that, Apollo? That was divinity’s sound!”

On the other side of the hill, he gazed the interrupted image of a chic marriage. “How romantic… compromising on Valentine’s Day, who shouldn’t even be a saint, and being in the presence of a GOD!”. There was a huge orchestra on an open shell-like stage; fat over made-up old ladies sitting around the tables with white tablecloths, laughing (surely hysterically) with their mouths opened, while eating frozen Mozambican shrimps; the typical drunken best men doing a stupid 70’s dance, with that look on their face that says an hour later their head is threaded in a toilet, puking all the lobster.

“Thank you Chronos. Shall we begin the fuckfest?”

A gunshot is heard. Everyone screams in panic.

“Ladies and gentlemen, would you please calm the fuck down? I said “calm the fuck down” miss, or you’ll have this bullet right up your cunt. I mean it, and I believe no one wants to see that, do you people?”

Everyone kept screaming, trying to hold on to their loved ones.

“So… As I was trying to say, a shot from this bullet here and you’ll be struck with so much sexual pleasure that you won’t be able to control yourselves.”
Then, he turns to a somewhat fifteen year old girl.
“Have you ever been on a date rape my dear?”
“You fucking psycho!”
“Uuuuh… feisty, isn’t she? Anyway, my adorable fuck animals, I’m here to offer you an alternative. A friend of mine will make thousands of black roses rain over you all. Okay, a parenthesis: Do you know what love is?”

No one answers, while everyone seems to get over the panic on the beginning.

“I asked: DO YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?” [Shoots his gun to the air; the pandemonium is installed once again]
“We’re celebrating it today, you freak!” the bride says. He starts walking to her direction. “Are you? Are you telling me you won’t divorce fourteen years from today? That it will always be like this? Timeless…” [Grabs her throat] “I’ll just wait to see that, when that one rose that will fall from the sky, destined to pour on you, will not turn to white, you’ll realize you’re not pure nor aware of what love is. And in that moment, you’ll also realize that one of my infinite bullets that look like this one will already be inside you, turning you on like no other man ever did before.”

The twelve tolls sound.

“It’s time!”

All eyes are on the sky, where slowly the black roses start to be seen.

“What you are witnessing, ladies and gentlemen, is the phenomenon of gods working together: Antheia created these marvellous specimens of flowers; Uranus launched them from the skies, while Zephirus, Boreas, Euros, Notus and Aeolus destine each one of them to each one of you. I’m just a link.”

The roses’ cryptic lentitude, while falling from the sky, felt like slow death to the presents. One by one, they fell on everyone, whose iris turned black, backs ripped from featherless wings and arched horns emerged from their foreheads. These devilish images were erased as soon as Cupid shot them. Consequently, each and everyone surrendered to the desire, beginning an incestuous orgy, indescribably unwholesome.

Suddenly, a shiny aura ascended from between these uncontrollable corpses. Appalled, Cupid shook with the image of all the children walking towards him. In the middle of moans, he reached out to those simple creatures.

“Let me tell you something: Men grow to become more and more imperfect; you are no exception. In the end, you all will beg for the late redemption. You’re probably not understanding a single word I’m saying, but in the future, you will recall these words and realize I’m not such a bad person after all. Now, you all will focus on the sound of my mouth and nothing else; everything is reducing to darkness; all the images of your families doing what they are doing will vanish from your mind in the moment you wake up; you shall only remember what I told you before this trance. Farewell and sleep tight.”

Cupid then turned his back to his masterpiece and spread his wings, ready to return to his lair in the clouds. When making ready to fly away, he felt a touch on his right wing. A child, half-awake, asked:

“Who are you?”

With his eyes on the floor, without turning back to the child, he mumbled:

“I’m a sinner.”
#2
man this grabs your attention and didn't let go, I can tell that you put a lot of hard work and effort into this, and I much like the character you turned cupid into. It was like cupid was having a lucid dream and able to do whatever he wanted in his vocation, instead of the innocent childish pchew pchew shot you two with my heart arrows now you're both in love la la.. like at heart, Cupid is really a dominant sexual masochist capable of crimes! but not only that, more in the way in which this was written, a little disjointed but held together, with enough space in between ideas for it to breathe and for the reader to think about what they're reading. Also had this 'cool' feel throughout. Everything else aside, it's really nice to read things like this, that a lot of work has been put into, and I think it's pretty much a success.

member seeking critique
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1071246
#7
i will try to get back to this. I think it could be better than it comes across. It kinda bumbles about a bit.
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Park that car
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#8
Holy **** this is good. Once I started reading It I couldn't stop. ''Over the Horizon" is my song if you wanna crit it. thanks...
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
#9
This is the first time i've ever read something like this.
It was really goood man.
I agreee with Concrete_Breeze, its like the other half of cupid that no one talks about.
I lvoe the characterization. And the ending like was brilliant.
Well done

crit mine when you have the chance
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1071908
"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

Quote by JakeTheDuck
This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh