#1
You creep slowly, your hair's turning gray
You're mumbling to yourself but I don't hear what you say
I remember the day you took me to the city
and you showed the police that you're not what you used to be
I know that one day I knew who you were
but I'll never know what you are now

Who the fuck are you
Yeah who the fuck are you
Who the fuck are you
Yeah who the fuck are you


This is the first piece I've ever written by the way, so don't be too hard on me :P
Last edited by qwerty_uiop at Feb 20, 2009,
#2
Quote by qwerty_uiop
You creep slowly, your hair's turning gray
You're mumbling to yourself but I don't hear what you say
I remember the day you took me to the city
and you showed the police that you're not what you used to be
I know that one day I knew who you were
but I'll never know what you are now

Who the fuck are you
Yeah who the fuck are you
Who the fuck are you
Yeah who the fuck are you


This is the first piece I've ever written by the way, so don't be too hard on me :P



the only thing i dont like is all the ****s. i understand its your piece I just dont like two much swearing because I think it cheapens the song. otherwise all of your lines are alright I overall like this piece. i would add some more to it and it will b good
#3
yea, i totally agree with famous1234....
sure its ur song, but if you could cut out the ****'s then it would probly sound better
and thats just my opinion
#4
Yeah, I sort of agree with them, but when you say "****" that many times, it really proves a point. I'm guessing that you're really pissed off, and if that's not your goal, take out the word "****" and maybe put in "hell"?

I dunno...maybe that works?
#5
Quote by HelzAngl
Yeah, I sort of agree with them, but when you say "****" that many times, it really proves a point. I'm guessing that you're really pissed off, and if that's not your goal, take out the word "****" and maybe put in "hell"?

I dunno...maybe that works?


Ya i think hell would work better. But its your song