#1
Ok please give me some constructive criticism. I've written poetry for years, just started dabbling in lyrics. I guess things sound way different if you know how it's to be sung so I'll give an idea on how each of lyrics are sung. Think... Bullet for my Valentine for example type of music... some singing, some screaming. I'll capitalize the screamed verses and lowercase the singing... so you get the idea.

PUNISH ME! < screamed

I've been a bad one
MY CRIES INSIDE!
screaming deamon's can't be quieted
THE VOICES HAUNTING MEEEEE........
the lies you feeeeed
the things you refuse to conceive

Chorus sped up singing

Slave to the brain
slave in my body
it's within meee
but it's not meee
who the hell could it be


you've taken my sacred key
TO UNLOCK THE DOOR FROM MY GRAAAAVE
i'm slipping away

Chorus speed up singing again

Slave to the brain
slave in my body
it's within meee
but it's not meee
who the hell could it be


ABUSE CONCIEVED
NO COPING IN ME

you took my sacred key
now I hold an addictive BLAAADE

"sang quietly"
to calm my quivers
to eliminate my shaame

Chorus screamed fast
Slave to the brain
slave in my body
it's within meee
but it's not meee
who the hell could it be


broken sooouuul
empty boorrredom

PUNISH ME!
PUNISH ME!

for who I've become
for who I've become
FOR WHO I'VE BECOOOME!

Chorus screamed
Slave to the brain
slave in my body
it's within meee
but it's not meee
who the hell could it be

IT'S NOT ME WHO THE **** CAN IT BE 3x


you put it within meeee
your own sick desiiires

YOU SCREAM AT ME!
YOU SCREAM AT ME!

demons scream within
can't find the saaacred keeeyyyyy
it's cut within MEEEEEE!

PUNISH ME!
PUNISH ME!

IT'S ALL I KNOW!
IT'S ALL I FEEL!

RELENTLESS!

OBSESSIVE!

ADDICTION!

****ING SLAVE WITHIN MEEEEEE!

(sang softly 2 x)
It's not me
You refuse to conceive.

All rights reserved to writer Megan Blum
Into this house we're born, Into this world we're thrown - Riders on the storm The Doors
#2
Please go back and read the rules ... again.

The Poet... now writing songs Heres part of your thread title is not allowed.

After you've read and understand the rules, you may post this again.

Thanks.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.