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#1


So at work today, I got a complaint from a terrified 12 year old that there were
'naked people' having sex on the bathroom floor.
My manager started cracking up and sent me in there.

Sure enough, I see two people in a closed stall, with clothes on the floor clearly
rushing to get dressed.

Told them the cops were coming

I left and went back to the concession area and some guy comes running out and
Runs through the side door, five minutes later, with a dark red face, she runs out the
Front.

Any similar experiences? I swear we're always finding used condoms in the theaters.
Its disgusting. Honestly, no matter how desperate I am, I couldn't do that.

Sorry if the typing is messed up, I'm using my phone.
Quote by Guitar0player
You're Thurstonsexual

Happily E-Married to En_zed
The public doesn't want new music; the main thing that it demands of a composer is that he be dead.
-- Arthur Honegger

Enjoy reading? Please crit my work .
#2
The kid was 12 and was terrifed? At that age I'd have been mighty curious to see more.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#4
Ha thats great. cant say i remember any stories
Sigs Are For Pussies
#5
I've always wondered about sex in a toilet.

It's the last place I'd want to have sex. Its rare you go into a toilet that you don't want to leave asap, let alone one you'd think 'Yes, I really want to rub my naked body on that wall'

Maybe it's just me.
Now 100% humour free, in accordance with the rules.

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#6
I just had the most embarrassing experience. My girlfriend and I got a little flustered during the movie, so we went into the bathrooms and I went balls-deep inside her. Then, I heard a scream that sounded like a little kid. I wanted to continue, but she was turned off, so she started putting her clothes back on. I sighed and began to do the same, when the door opened. I thought "Aw, ****!" and started to rush to get my clothes on, but it was too late. "The cops are coming!" The person at the door said. But, before the cops could get there, I rushed out the side door and my girlfriend followed, but out the front door.

Still haven't recovered.


...You'll have to excuse me, it's 8AM here and my clever meter isn't to 100% yet.
#7
Awesome

Epiphone Les Paul Standard w/ SD Alnico Pro II's
Fender Aerodyne Telecaster & Stratocaster
Marshall JCM 800 4104 combo


E-Married to Funny_Page
#8
Quote by Rockford_rocks
I just had the most embarrassing experience. My girlfriend and I got a little flustered during the movie, so we went into the bathrooms and I went balls-deep inside her. Then, I heard a scream that sounded like a little kid. I wanted to continue, but she was turned off, so she started putting her clothes back on. I sighed and began to do the same, when the door opened. I thought "Aw, ****!" and started to rush to get my clothes on, but it was too late. "The cops are coming!" The person at the door said. But, before the cops could get there, I rushed out the side door and my girlfriend followed, but out the front door.

Still haven't recovered.


...You'll have to excuse me, it's 8AM here and my clever meter isn't to 100% yet.

Well done sir, you had me there for a minute
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#9
Quote by neopowell
The kid was 12 and was terrifed? At that age I'd have been mighty curious to see more.

At that age I would've watched.
NOPE.
#10
A new thread would have been funier RR
Quote by Fucking loads of people who were appeasing me in order for me to write
blues_to_thrash, you are the master of epic lulz



My Music


2K11
#11
Quote by neopowell
The kid was 12 and was terrifed? At that age I'd have been mighty curious to see more.


12 year old girl
Somehow I don't think its the same.
Quote by Guitar0player
You're Thurstonsexual

Happily E-Married to En_zed
The public doesn't want new music; the main thing that it demands of a composer is that he be dead.
-- Arthur Honegger

Enjoy reading? Please crit my work .
#12
was she hot? i would have taken advantage of her :p saying i could help her if she bends over or something xD
#13
Quote by toine
was she hot? i would have taken advantage of her :p saying i could help her if she bends over or something xD


...The act you are speaking of is rape, my good sir.
#14
Quote by x_thurston_x
12 year old girl
Somehow I don't think its the same.


12 year old girls aren't curious about sex? Damnit, that's my weekend plans ruined.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#15
Quote by Rockford_rocks
...The act you are speaking of is rape, my good sir.

aah yes , rape , sounds like music in my ears
#16
Quote by neopowell
12 year old girls aren't curious about sex? Damnit, that's my weekend plans ruined.

You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#19
Quote by Rockford_rocks
...The act you are speaking of is rape, my good sir.



By jove!

*drops monocle in tea*

I'm tempted to sig.
Quote by abstract pie
Ahh the pit. Where conversations of Pokemon Cards can turn into ones of wizard homosexuality



You are everything I want...
...'Cause you are...

...Everything I'm not.

Atheism. Is. Not. A. Religion.
Today's saints were yesterday's sellouts
#20
Quote by KiLLSWiTCH-KnoT
OUCHO!



Izzaa tink you ar lufferly.

Epiphone Les Paul Standard w/ SD Alnico Pro II's
Fender Aerodyne Telecaster & Stratocaster
Marshall JCM 800 4104 combo


E-Married to Funny_Page
#21
At 12 I probably would have watched.




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Id like to make my love for Neil public knowledge as he is a beautiful man
#22
Quote by neopowell
12 year old girls aren't curious about sex? Damnit, that's my weekend plans ruined.



sigged
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#23
Quote by Absent Mind
At 12 I probably would have watched.


At 12, I probably would have whipped it out.
#24
You work in a cinema too? We get that all the time, 'tis funny.
Quote by buckethead_jr
^And known for that bloody awesome croissant with a crown.
Man that's badass.


MINE SIG R PINK
#26
Quote by Cobain_Is_King
I work at a morgue and we get that all the time.



Quote by HalfBlackJack
In the good old days of PS2 sony would send me out new consoles for fun!

PS2 just died for no reason? new console : )
Coffee spilt all over it? new console : )
Got pissed on in the night???? new console : )

I miss pissing on consoles : (
#27
I've has sex in school bathrooms tons of times. We get really horny when were sitting bored out of our minds in maths, so...you know....

We've been caught twice but haven't been reported so we don't really care.
Quote by buddha
isnt there a law against not shaving? thats somewere in our constitution. i think it goes something like a girl maybe be a freak in the sheets but no be wild down stairs is treason and for that she will be beheaded.-good old Benjamin F.

#28
! good times.
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#29
Man I always go to the movie theaters to rape girls, it's so easy! But tonight there was this little girl who came in and saw me holding this other girl down, and she ran out and told the guys out front. The guy came in and said he called the cops! ****, last thing I need on top of my DUI is a god damn rape charge, so I got out of there fast.
Quote by Vornik
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to put it, along with your other advice, into a book, the pages of which I will then use to wipe my ass.
#30
Wait lol... are you schizophrenic?

EDIT:
@Shakin cakes
Quote by HalfBlackJack
In the good old days of PS2 sony would send me out new consoles for fun!

PS2 just died for no reason? new console : )
Coffee spilt all over it? new console : )
Got pissed on in the night???? new console : )

I miss pissing on consoles : (
#31
Quote by dann_blood
Man I always go to the movie theaters to rape girls, it's so easy! But tonight there was this little girl who came in and saw me holding this other girl down, and she ran out and told the guys out front. The guy came in and said he called the cops! ****, last thing I need on top of my DUI is a god damn rape charge, so I got out of there fast.


Beat ya to it, sorry.
#32
Quote by Nirvanarien
Wait lol... are you schizophrenic?

EDIT:
@Shakin cakes


Why would I be? They just saw us and went back to doing their cleaning duties in the bathroom when we left, didn't report us.
Quote by buddha
isnt there a law against not shaving? thats somewere in our constitution. i think it goes something like a girl maybe be a freak in the sheets but no be wild down stairs is treason and for that she will be beheaded.-good old Benjamin F.

#35
Quote by shakin'cakes
Why would I be? They just saw us and went back to doing their cleaning duties in the bathroom when we left, didn't report us.


Cuz you r saying us and we all the time without mentioning a girl/boyfriend :P
Quote by HalfBlackJack
In the good old days of PS2 sony would send me out new consoles for fun!

PS2 just died for no reason? new console : )
Coffee spilt all over it? new console : )
Got pissed on in the night???? new console : )

I miss pissing on consoles : (
#36
Quote by neopowell
12 year old girls aren't curious about sex? Damnit, that's my weekend plans ruined.


neopowell, you win once again.
🙈 🙉 🙊
#37
Quote by Nirvanarien
Cuz you r saying us and we all the time without mentioning a girl/boyfriend :P


*sigh*

Don't be a smartass.
Quote by buddha
isnt there a law against not shaving? thats somewere in our constitution. i think it goes something like a girl maybe be a freak in the sheets but no be wild down stairs is treason and for that she will be beheaded.-good old Benjamin F.

#39
Who cares where people f***. . . If it was me I would have kept going
K-7
#40
Quote by shakin'cakes
I've has sex in school bathrooms tons of times. We get really horny when were sitting bored out of our minds in maths, so...you know....

We've been caught twice but haven't been reported so we don't really care.


Dude, you're so cool.
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