#1
What would your epic action movie consist of?

I would have Sylvester Stallone pitted against Jean Claude Van Damme in a high octane, full speed, tits everywhere, headshots, unnecessary explosion every 2 seconds, WAR HELL RIDE in a race across a post-apocalyptic america to a hidden stash of nuclear weapons which will determine the fate of human kind.
Movie closes with a fight scene where Van Damme lands a dozen roundhouse kicks to Stallone's face. But ol Syl ain't havin none of it. He counter's with a right hook and a few well placed body shots before grabbing a hold of him. Some badass line like "You drew first blood, not me.. punk. This is where the law ends... and I begin" And rips his throat out with his bare hands and disarms the bomb.
"When sh*t becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes."
#3
Wall-E
Tonight, we stagger out from the basement...


I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.

...Or fall to our deaths from above
#4
Dumb and Dumber. I mean, the guy rips a pigeons head off and another bird is shot with a cork.
Sail upon the open skies
Last edited by angusfan16 at Feb 21, 2009,
#5
It would have an early 80's vintage Arnie. And the rest of the cast of Predator.
Basically, they would go into a jungle to 'rescue a senator whose helicopter had been shot down by guerillas, and be hunted down and killed one by one by some alien hunter, until finally Arnie kills it'.
Original or what?
#7
Quote by MetalManiac_86
What would your epic action movie consist of?

I would have Sylvester Stallone pitted against Jean Claude Van Damme in a high octane, full speed, tits everywhere, headshots, unnecessary explosion every 2 seconds, WAR HELL RIDE in a race across a post-apocalyptic america to a hidden stash of nuclear weapons which will determine the fate of human kind.
Movie closes with a fight scene where Van Damme lands a dozen roundhouse kicks to Stallone's face. But ol Syl ain't havin none of it. He counter's with a right hook and a few well placed body shots before grabbing a hold of him. Some badass line like "You drew first blood, not me.. punk. This is where the law ends... and I begin" And rips his throat out with his bare hands and disarms the bomb.

I was about to say, if he didn't rip out someones throat then it's not worth it.
#8
Quote by MightyAl
It would have an early 80's vintage Arnie. And the rest of the cast of Predator.
Basically, they would go into a jungle to 'rescue a senator whose helicopter had been shot down by guerillas, and be hunted down and killed one by one by some alien hunter, until finally Arnie kills it'.
Original or what?


sounds like a darn good film to me
#9
i did a thread on this ages ago. ill see if i can find it but its from like 07.

but i think its already been made
The Mitch Clem formula
1)make jokes about rancid and NOFX (as if they dont already make fun of themselves)
2)make obvious punk puns, possibly related to food
3)make fun of Rancid and NOFX again
4)??????
5)PROFIT (and an army of internet fanboys)
#10
Pokemon vs Ninja Turtles vs Godzilla vs Tyler Durden

Basically they all have to annihilate each other for reasons which are hinted at but never become totally apparent. It involves strip clubs, nudity, swearing, and most of all gore. Al Gore. He takes a role similar to that of Kenny in South Park and gets brutally murdered again and again.
Quote by saphrax
Bit harsh I think! He comes back for the last 10 minutes against Roma, after being out all season, and you want him crippled again? You harsh wanker!


Aimed at me for saying I hope Gary Neville breaks all his limbs
#11
Quote by Azza Dutt
Pokemon vs Ninja Turtles vs Godzilla vs Tyler Durden

Basically they all have to annihilate each other for reasons which are hinted at but never become totally apparent. It involves strip clubs, nudity, swearing, and most of all gore. Al Gore. He takes a role similar to that of Kenny in South Park and gets brutally murdered again and again.



That sounds like my new favorite movie.

On topic:

Horrible and filled with action:



Fun to make fun of.

And anything with this man:


Or:
Last edited by Tire Me. at Feb 21, 2009,
#13
All I gots to say is: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

and also
#16
superman, arnie, batman, sly stone, jeanne claude van dam, predator, the hulk, alien, spiderman, mohammed ali and homer simpson in one large fist fight. a random sex scene which lasts 20 mins. a ridiculous plot involving the end of the world, probably with nuclear missiles, probably with optimus prime fighting megatron. an alien invasion as well. plus arnie shooting a mini gun with henchman firing back with the aim only rivalled by a blind person, the bullets hitting everywhere but arnie. also a volcano which is the secret base of dr. evil and dr. x in a joint evil mastermind plot. then action man comes along but gets comically melted by lava. also barack obama makes a cameo with chuck norris and also tony blair, just for kicks. ben stiller arrives and provides comic lines. a car chase involving the dukes of hazard charger, 1000 black mercedes and missiles coming out of the front grill of an aston martin. more sex scenes and on top of that cheesy lines from above actors. then bruce willis comes along and kills snape and samuel jackson, but not before samuel l jackson and john travolta kill random guys in black suits. then kills a load of snakes on a plane. plus bullet time and slow mo throat rippings, decapitations and neck/back breakings. phew.

also forgot to add, jackie chan, chris tucker and jet li and tony jaa have a bar braw against loads of tough guys with snooker poles. mel gibson and danny glover kill south african man and jet li but peter griffin cuts in first and says 'its just been revoked'. end titles.
Last edited by spunkeymonkey36 at Feb 21, 2009,
#17
Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris would make the greatest action movie ever.

Oh wait...

My Last.FM



"The more you think, the better you're going to play. That should be a quote somewhere."
- Marty Friedman
#18
Quote by MetalManiac_86
What would your epic action movie consist of?

I would have Sylvester Stallone pitted against Jean Claude Van Damme in a high octane, full speed, tits everywhere, headshots, unnecessary explosion every 2 seconds, WAR HELL RIDE in a race across a post-apocalyptic america to a hidden stash of nuclear weapons which will determine the fate of human kind.
Movie closes with a fight scene where Van Damme lands a dozen roundhouse kicks to Stallone's face. But ol Syl ain't havin none of it. He counter's with a right hook and a few well placed body shots before grabbing a hold of him. Some badass line like "You drew first blood, not me.. punk. This is where the law ends... and I begin" And rips his throat out with his bare hands and disarms the bomb.

cool story, bro...but what would be the soundtrack?
#23
Quote by Myfirstpubes
cool story, bro...but what would be the soundtrack?


Just like every other action movie. Just random songs that contain garbage-can-sounding snares, nu-metal powerchord riffage, and wankery solos


Wait..guess Slipknot would be the most epic action movie soundtrack?
#24
Quote by The Shroom420
Just like every other action movie. Just random songs that contain garbage-can-sounding snares, nu-metal powerchord riffage, and wankery solos


Wait..guess Slipknot would be the most epic action movie soundtrack?


cant agree with your description, but... arnie wasting aliens with psychosocial coming through the speakers?
#25
My friend and I have wrote the script to what will be the best action movie ever. It just almost certainly won't be made though .
Last edited by WhiteStripesIII at Feb 21, 2009,
#26
Quote by Random3
cant agree with your description, but... arnie wasting aliens with psychosocial coming through the speakers?

That would suck compard to Arnie wasting aliens with Take No Prisoners as the soundtrack.
#27
I believe this image would be the most epic action movie, if it were ever made.

#30
Mine would be a modern, political take on the 80's movie "Transformers", focussing on British politics.

It is the year 2005, and Cybertron is in the grip of civil war. The heroic forces of Tony Blair, aka Optimus Prime Minister are battling the evil and dastardly armies of the Decepticonseratives, led by none other than the mighty David Camertron!. Meanwhile, both forces face certain destruction from a new Middle-Eastern threat, the Talibots, who threatens to destroy Cybertron!

As the battle for Parliament rages, Optimus Prime Minister transforms into a london bus and races to stop David Camertron who is dangerously close to winning an opinion poll. After a gigantic battle, Optimus Prime Minister defeats David Camertron and drives the Decepticonservatives out of Parliament, but lays dying, and with his last breath gives the Matrix Of Leadership, the source of all power, to his old friend John Presbot.

As the Talibot invasion continues unchecked, the Matrix of Leadership is stolen when the Decepticonservatives attack John Presbot, and taken by David Camertron to the Middle East, as a peace token to the Talibots. But before they can use it as a weapon of mass destruction, to wipe out Cybertron, a young Cabinet Member named Gordon Brawn (who transforms into a london taxi) rises up to stop David Camertron.

After another fiece, epilepsy-inducing fight to the death, Gordon Brawn defeats David Camertron and casts him into space. Calling upon the power of the British Public, he unleashes the power of the Matrix of Leadership in the heart of the enemy, destroying the Talibots and ending their terror threat. Gordon Brawn is then reborn as the new Optimus Prime Minister. Every one is happy for a while.

He turns the the surving robots, who are framed against the sunset, and says:

"Cabinet Members...Transform, and Roll Out!"

They transform in slow motion, then drive over a ramp and freeze mid-air.

*Fade to black, cue theme music*

POLITICIANS - MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE
Gear:
Ibanez S470 (EMG 81/S/85)
Sigma DMC-15E
Laney VH100R
Laney 4x12 Cab
Ibanez Weeping Demon
M-Audio ProKeys 88
Mbox 3 Pro
KRK RP6 G2's
Plum Team FTW!

X
#32
Quote by BobMarleysGhost
Mine would be a modern, political take on the 80's movie "Transformers", focussing on British politics.

It is the year 2005, and Cybertron is in the grip of civil war. The heroic forces of Tony Blair, aka Optimus Prime Minister are battling the evil and dastardly armies of the Decepticonseratives, led by none other than the mighty David Camertron!. Meanwhile, both forces face certain destruction from a new Middle-Eastern threat, the Talibots, who threatens to destroy Cybertron!

As the battle for Parliament rages, Optimus Prime Minister transforms into a london bus and races to stop David Camertron who is dangerously close to winning an opinion poll. After a gigantic battle, Optimus Prime Minister defeats David Camertron and drives the Decepticonservatives out of Parliament, but lays dying, and with his last breath gives the Matrix Of Leadership, the source of all power, to his old friend John Presbot.

As the Talibot invasion continues unchecked, the Matrix of Leadership is stolen when the Decepticonservatives attack John Presbot, and taken by David Camertron to the Middle East, as a peace token to the Talibots. But before they can use it as a weapon of mass destruction, to wipe out Cybertron, a young Cabinet Member named Gordon Brawn (who transforms into a london taxi) rises up to stop David Camertron.

After another fiece, epilepsy-inducing fight to the death, Gordon Brawn defeats David Camertron and casts him into space. Calling upon the power of the British Public, he unleashes the power of the Matrix of Leadership in the heart of the enemy, destroying the Talibots and ending their terror threat. Gordon Brawn is then reborn as the new Optimus Prime Minister. Every one is happy for a while.

He turns the the surving robots, who are framed against the sunset, and says:

"Cabinet Members...Transform, and Roll Out!"

They transform in slow motion, then drive over a ramp and freeze mid-air.

*Fade to black, cue theme music*

POLITICIANS - MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE

You missed out the bit where Gordon Brawn spent 10 years failing to regulate the banking system, leading it to disappear up its own arse,
#33
Quote by MightyAl
You missed out the bit where Gordon Brawn spent 10 years failing to regulate the banking system, leading it to disappear up its own arse by Transforming somehow, possibly into a lorry


Shhh... You'll spoil the sequel!

Also, fixed.
Gear:
Ibanez S470 (EMG 81/S/85)
Sigma DMC-15E
Laney VH100R
Laney 4x12 Cab
Ibanez Weeping Demon
M-Audio ProKeys 88
Mbox 3 Pro
KRK RP6 G2's
Plum Team FTW!

X