#1
This is a kind of death metal , deathcore-ish song , i've been working on a few songs like this , but i really need some feed back .


Hands Tied
Mouth Gagged
This is how i play
No Escape
All Alone
Your pretty face i begin to flay

I lean over to plant a kiss on your cheek
And on the ground
I hear the sound
Of vaginal blood beggining to leak

Newborn child's head sticks out
Now my mind is without a doubt
I rip the fetus from your c***
And i feed upon the runt

Hours Later I regurgitate
The Newly born carcass all over your face

Victim to humiliation
Soon to suffer mutilations
Skin covered with lacerations

I slowly watch you Suffer

*note: take this song with a grain of salt please.
Last edited by dead_bury_dead at Feb 22, 2009,
#2
Pretty good for Generic old school death metal in the vein of cannibal corpse and dismember, just make sure its heavy as ****.
Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon,
independent as a hog on ice,
He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse,
Plays accordion for Mr. Weiss
#5
Quote by vanshaya
Pretty good for Generic old school death metal in the vein of cannibal corpse and dismember, just make sure its heavy as ****.



Yeah , we're a death core like band , but we'd fuel this thing with low screams , with a cannibal corpse feel.
#8
Yes. It's so vile that it's actually good. Offensive is good to me.
breaking hearts
&
breaking guitars
#10
Yeah, it's cool. You're trying too hard though. It just reminds me of the most cliché, deathcore lyrics(Annotations of an Autopsy, Cannibal Corpse.) I normally talk down on people who just resort to the "Killing, abortion, fetus, death, lame" theme portrayed in their songs. It's cool, I guess. You hit it on the nail of what you were trying to do, but I don't like what you were trying to do.

Write deathcore lyrics about why you should stay in school and stay off drugs.
Write your own lyrics or poetry? Post them HERE for a crit.
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#11
While I appreciate art and lyrics....don't be that guy. It sounds like you're just going for shock value.
#12
Quote by dead_bury_dead
This is a kind of death metal , deathcore-ish song , i've been working on a few songs like this , but i really need some feed back .


Hands Tied
Mouth Gagged
This is how i play
No Escape
All Alone
Your pretty face i begin to flay

I lean over to plant a kiss on your cheek
And on the ground
I hear the sound
Of vaginal blood beggining to leak

Newborn child's head sticks out
Now my mind is without a doubt
I rip the fetus from your c***
And i feed upon the runt

Hours Later I regurgitate
The Newly born carcass all over your face

Victim to humiliation
Soon to suffer mutilations
Skin covered with lacerations

I slowly watch you Suffer

*note: take this song with a grain of salt please.



Hey, dont listen to the people saying gory lyrics suck. I love this, and my favorite line:

Victim to humiliation
Soon to suffer mutilations

Is beyond awesome. If you dont use those two lines, lemme know if I can use them LOL the whole song is sick, great job, keep up the good work.

At least its not some pansy ass love song aha.
#14
Quote by insideac
Hey, dont listen to the people saying gory lyrics suck. I love this, and my favorite line:

Victim to humiliation
Soon to suffer mutilations

Is beyond awesome. If you dont use those two lines, lemme know if I can use them LOL the whole song is sick, great job, keep up the good work.

At least its not some pansy ass love song aha.


thanks bro. i am going to use this line as far as know (sorry) , but i've been thinking about putting some more songs like this up on the forum , i just wanted to see how ppl would respond first.
#15
welp , im surely NOT going to record this after deep contemplation. so , its free for fellow UGers to use. but ask permission first