#2
I really liked this track. However the production is not too great. the acoustic is a bit fuzzy, and it and the vocals could use some reverb and eq. During the chorus, maybe you should try doing harmony vocals instead of just singing the same melody with more voices. To make it more interesting maybe add an additional guitar playing different inversions of the same chords?

Production and instrumentation aside, this song has really awesome lyrics.

care to crit mine?https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1072345
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#3
Not a bad song man, I have to agree with aetherspear on his points, it definately needs another guitar doing something different to break the monotony (so to speak) good work, nice song.
#4
I am going to rerecord it this week end and include drums and a lead guitar part. And a better production of the recording.
#5
The singing here is pretty good, folksy but cool.

As mentioned above the guitar becomes quite monotonous, you could do something more creative with the strumming pattern, or add a second guitar part as suggested above.

Now lyrically, this song is just sprawling randomly. Some of your lines are really weak...

"Along came a cop and pulled the plug,
He went boom and what was left was feet."

I can't think of anything good to say about that line, there's plenty of bad that I won't bother saying. It doesn't even fit your rhyme scheme for the rest of the song (the last word should rhyme with "plug" not "discreet").

In general your first verse is a lot of "he" "he" "he" when there are (at least) 2 characters. Some intentional obsfucation is good, but this might be a bit much.

Second verse... would someone having a heart attack call their wife? Or did you just use wife to rhyme with knife...

third verse "Especially the ones that were looking fine." again just a poor line. The strip club and "bottom line" line is actually pretty clever, so following it up with this is rough.

Chorus "We dance to a drummer with an eclectic pace " fitting the words and syllables into the space provided sounds forced, specifically the word "eclectic".


Finally, just as advice, don't broadcast what the song is about (to you). I'm guilty of doing this too but its just belligerent and condescending. The listener will take whatever they want away from it. If someone asks of course you can answer, but prejudicing the listener by saying "its about X" isn't really a great thing to do.

C4C if you wish: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1076238
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#6
thanks for you crit on my piece.

For your song, i felt the acoustic guitar had a nice tone to it, and that voice was nice and consistant. Perhaps though as someone above mentioned you may wish to introduce another guitar playing an opposing melody, or to become even more folky, a harmonica.

Anyways, hope i helped,

A.D
#7
Thanks For the crit

all is played well and is in rhythm thoughout
but the recording qualitly is (sorry to sound like an a**ehole) terrible

the singing is all in tune and has a nice track but it's way too loud compared to the rest of your track,

when your singing it sort of overloads ur sound card, thats (when it pops),

the acoustic guitar sound like it could sound really great with a good mic,

i like the lyrics but it seems sort of like you only sing the chorus some more lyrics would make it sound better.
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#8
Thanks for the crit, yeah, you need more stuff going on guitar to keep it fresh and interesting the guitar gets a bit boring you need to keep it exciting! Nice ideas though, i love the duel vocal bit. good job
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#9
Very nice guitar work, not a huge fan of the lyrics. Would sound fuller with more instruments.
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