I'm horrible at writing lyrics but these are the words for (obvious) Sweat. It's about a guy who was in a mental hospital and was killed by the doctors through methods of lethal injections. Very bad lyrics, I know

Verse 1 :
Laying awake
Sweating from fear
All the docs told me
The needle was near

Verse 2:
The thoughts raced for ever
But nothing came to me
Now filled with lethargy
I'm strapped down to the chair
The crowd all around me
Cheshire Cat grinning and
Injecting the syringe
Kiss the world goodbye


The lethal injection in my veins
Actually, I wouldn't say these are terrible lyrics. There are worse out there Don't be discouraged, just keep writing and keep working on it. For starters, try to develop a chorus or something, if you're going to have a bridge (because to my understanding, you sorta need a chorus for a bridge. Maybe not. I could be downright wrong) Perhaps expanding it some would be a good way to go with this. Possibly describe how he feels about being there, what his family is going through, just something to actually put emotion into your writing. Here's the greatest piece of advice I can give you, so PAY ATTENTION TO THIS IF YOU IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE I SAY: It's easy to SAY you are feeling an emotion, but the beauty of good writing is getting the reader to FEEL it with you. Make them feel it too. Don't just say "He was filled with fear". That will fall limp and lifeless to the floor. It lacks power. Instead, use imagery and the power of words to describe a situation, events, and pictures that will conjure up fear in the reader/listener. You sorta got into that with needles and Cheshire cats, but I think that more of that would do wonders for this, taking it from sorta meh to HOLY CRAP. Random note, I liked the "bridge". I don't know why, I just sorta could feel it being sung in a gasping, staggering sort of way. Most importantly just keep working on this. If you could crit "Following Evangeline in my sig, I'd appreciate it. Thanks!