#1
This has so many meanings and symbols for me that it probably won't mean the same thing to anyone. But i haven't written anything in a while so this probably sucks as i am a bit rusty but crit4crit.

Red Roses

I woke up to your smile
It was carefree yet worn down
Like something was maybe
Grinding it to the roots.

I can’t read minds
No, I can’t read lips, but I know
There are more than a few words
Behind those white pearls.

I came home to your smile
It seemed forced and insincere
The white roses I brought home for you
Began to wilt and die.

I left to your lips,
Still and unwavering,
No longer revealing what’s hidden
Behind their reddish glaze.

I guess I won’t see that smile again
Because by the end of the night
I’m driving off into the sunset
Where the white roses turn to red.

And as we all know once a thing changes color,
It is impossible to reverse.
And once a smile turns to a frown
It isn’t ever going to turn back around.
ED REED BABY
#2
First off, pretty dang good for 10 minutes. The rhythm overall is a bit rough I think, but that can be smoothed out over time. I think that's the first thing you should look for. I kinda like the idea, especially the consistent use of the colors red and white. There were a couple lines like "I left to your smile" that didn't seem to make much sense to me (leaving To the smile seems like you'd be going TO it, not leaving it behind) but for the most part I think I got it. I'm sure I don't have at all the same understanding of it as you do, but I wasn't completely lost at any point. Overall good stuff, I liked it a bit. I don't really feel like it impacted me much or really struck a deep chord with me, but the more I read it the more it resonates. So perhaps if I were to read it a fourth or fifth time it would start to have that effect. Good stuff Could you crit "Following Evangeline" in my sig? Thanks. Keep up the good work.