#1
Anybody know some funny ones?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
#2
This thread fails, like a fat guy on a pogo stick.
wen i ask they say that they fall into the habit smhw ........but nyways i think there is a connection smwhere. Now i being a teetollar will not give into this habit nyhw

FOR JUST £2 A WEEK, YOU CAN PREVENT THIS.
#4
He hit the gound with a horrible splat, as a large sack of vegetable soup would.
D-U-F-R-A-I-S


Quote by darkstar2466
WRONG.

The only reason it exists is because drugs get people fucked up, and people love getting fucked up.

#5
Quote by Masamune
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Sounds like a Douglas Adams quote to me

"The ships hung in the air, much in the way bricks don't."
Check out my guitar quartet composition The Lone Wolf and you will be rewarded! With a live wolf!

Are you a PROG-HEAD? I am.

Quote by Led Pepplin
I'm adding you to my list of most hated UGers.

#7
Quote by Hp312
I'm pretty sure those are from that website, the one with all the funny test answers.

But on topic:
He landed gracefully, like a sleeping cat quickly kicked from the sofa


I agree with this.

I love these though
#10
Quote by irongoat666
Sounds like a Douglas Adams quote to me

"The ships hung in the air, much in the way bricks don't."

That's what I thought about most of these.

"With a noise like a hundred thousand people saying 'whop,' a steely white spaceship suddenly seemed to create itself out of nothing in the air directly above the cricket pitch and hung there with infinite menace and a slight hum."

And the drink that is "almost, but not entirely unlike tea."

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#11
Quote by SteveHouse
That's what I thought about most of these.

"With a noise like a hundred thousand people saying 'whop,' a steely white spaceship suddenly seemed to create itself out of nothing in the air directly above the cricket pitch and hung there with infinite menace and a slight hum."

And the drink that is "almost, but not entirely unlike tea."

Or The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster - "Like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick."

Always liked that one
Check out my guitar quartet composition The Lone Wolf and you will be rewarded! With a live wolf!

Are you a PROG-HEAD? I am.

Quote by Led Pepplin
I'm adding you to my list of most hated UGers.

#12
Quote by Hp312
I'm pretty sure those are from that website, the one with all the funny test answers.


Yeah they are. I never said I made these up. Here's some more from the same site.


11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.<this one I don't understand at all

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Last edited by Masamune at Feb 23, 2009,
#13
Quote by Masamune
l

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.




Amazing
Quote by abstract pie
Ahh the pit. Where conversations of Pokemon Cards can turn into ones of wizard homosexuality



You are everything I want...
...'Cause you are...

...Everything I'm not.

Atheism. Is. Not. A. Religion.
Today's saints were yesterday's sellouts
#14
Quote by irongoat666
Sounds like a Douglas Adams quote to me

"The ships hung in the air, much in the way bricks don't."

my first thought, too. definately ripped off.
.
..
...
I have no opinion on this matter.
#16
Quote by SystemOfASteve
This sucks more cock than a hairdryer for roosters.

Your hair dryer has a suck setting? That's awesome
Check out my guitar quartet composition The Lone Wolf and you will be rewarded! With a live wolf!

Are you a PROG-HEAD? I am.

Quote by Led Pepplin
I'm adding you to my list of most hated UGers.

#17
this thread wins
Tampa Bay Buccaneers

South Carolina Gamecocks

Quote by SGstriker
Chef Strato-Massacre: Cooking shitstorms since that comment.

Quote by PurpleClawz
Damnit why are you full of so much win
#19
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

Wont describes a tendancy or a habit. It is usually used to describe being accustomed to something.

EDIT:
Quote by Mumbo Jumbo
Golf is like sex, one bad hole and you're fucked.


I've got one like that.
MY sex life is like golf; Frustrating, Angry, and I usually miss the hole.
Quote by Haedadru
I suggest nicola teslas powered radiation death ray mounted on an orange, top secret, neo-nazi flying swastika

What?
Last edited by Judas Acolyte at Feb 23, 2009,
#20
Quote by Judas Acolyte

MY sex life is like golf; Frustrating, Angry, and I usually miss the hole.

#21
Quote by Masamune
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.


Quote by Masamune
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.


Quote by Masamune
Her grammar was as bad as, like, whatever


I love this site!

This is Larry The If you click him, he will give you magic powers.
srsly.


If you are not willing to die for the perfect s'more, Then you don't deserve a s'more at all.
#22
This was on snopes
Quote by GuitarGod_92
I feel like I should pay you in sexual favors for that truly fapic story.


Quote by esther_mouse
Aww thank you sweetie Made my day a little bit brighter.


^that post and others like it made mine a Lot brighter.