#1
Here's a song that needs some poking at to make it work. Problem is I write a gajillion songs, and the ones that work, I keep; the ones that don't, I forget about. Here's one that I've shelved, but the melody works for me, and some of the emotions and images are pleasantly raw, so let's see what y'all have to say about it.

Hold me closer
It's the last thing that I need
It is the first thing that I look for in a girl
You're the comfort
My refuge in a storm
You are the thing I wouldn't change for all the world

All the right words
Are just stories that I tell
They are goodnight words
Like salvation or like Hell
If you believe
The things I say to you tonight
Love's a bedtime story
Wrong or right

I'll let you change me
For the better or the worse
I'll stay beside you through the storm and thick and thin
Look around you
Though the world might fall apart
Still I must love you or I couldn't let you in

All the right words
Are just stories that I tell
They are goodnight words
Like salvation or like Hell
If you believe
The things I say to you tonight
Love's a bedtime story
Wrong or right

Don't let the cynics
Say I don't love you anymore
I'm not disguising
That there's passion in my voice
You must believe
That I'm not lying to you now
Leave your doubt
Because you know you've made your choice

Hold me closer
It's the last thing that I need
It is the first thing that I look for in a girl
#2
Quote by Nilchii
Here's a song that needs some poking at to make it work. Problem is I write a gajillion songs, and the ones that work, I keep; the ones that don't, I forget about. Here's one that I've shelved, but the melody works for me, and some of the emotions and images are pleasantly raw, so let's see what y'all have to say about it.

Hold me closer
It's the last thing that I need
It is the first thing that I look for in a girl
You're the comfort
My refuge in a storm
You are the thing I wouldn't change for all the world
not bad, lots of different line sizes tho, idk how it would flow

All the right words
Are just stories that I tell
They are goodnight words
Like salvation or like Hell
If you believe
The things I say to you tonight
Love's a bedtime story
Wrong or right
last two lines were amazing

I'll let you change me
For the better or the worse
I'll stay beside you through the storm and thick and thin
Look around you
Though the world might fall apart
Still I must love you or I couldn't let you in
pretty good

All the right words
Are just stories that I tell
They are goodnight words
Like salvation or like Hell
If you believe
The things I say to you tonight
Love's a bedtime story
Wrong or right
this works great as a chorus

Don't let the cynics
Say I don't love you anymore
I'm not disguising
That there's passion in my voice
You must believe
That I'm not lying to you now
Leave your doubt
Because you know you've made your choice

Hold me closer
It's the last thing that I need
It is the first thing that I look for in a girl
great way to end it



not a bad job here dude, nice work, thanks for critting mine and checking out the youtube channel!