#1
Food Fights
-Ryan Hamann

So we sit down for dinner,
-lets argue again-
I would love to let loose
a spoonful of mashed potatoes,
but it is hard to aim
at transparent targets

Pass the bowls
and they stay full.
Damn these calories.
"I would rather die"
-your dying-
I would applaud your dedication
if it was not so sick.
Silly girl, you can't win
like this.

So, I'll eat all the grapes.
Maybe this will show you.
Sure you cried
and I can't say I was hoping
for anything different.
At least it shows your still here.

I'll say I'm sorry
and hug you to show I mean it.

These hugs happen too often
and they hurt.
When I reach around you,
I reach too far.

--------------------
Last edited by Jared R. Boyd at Feb 26, 2009,
#2
I've never seen this idea expressed quite like this. I'll be back at some point
#3
I like how the "argument" plays out, but it's hard to be sure if he's arguing with someone else or just himself...?
#4
This is actually me telling about my sisters bout with anorexia.

Any suggestions on how to make its clear that its two different people?

-Ryan
#5
these hugs happen TOO often
had to point it out
i'll critique this later...
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#6
actually, i really think i its just the line with transparent in it....

after re-reading it, though, i picked up on the anorexia subject, I think it was probably just me gettin confused

But, just to stay helpful

i reach TOO far
#7
Quote by Jared R. Boyd
Food Fights
-Ryan

So we sit down for dinner,
-lets argue again-
I would love to let loose
a spoonful of mashed potatoes,
but it is hard to aim
at transparent targets
Hehe that second line was absolutely well done.

Pass the bowls
and they stay full.
Damn these calories.
"I would rather die"
your dying
I would applaud your dedication
if it was not so sick.
After reading this stanza, i think the last line of the first paragraph could be better phrased (its good, but i think you can dig up something better), thought I don't have any suggestion.. ><

So, I'll eat all the grapes.
Maybe this will show you.
Sure you cried
and I can't say I was hoping
for anything different.
At least it shows your still here.

I'll say I'm sorry
and hug you to show I mean it.
These hugs happen to often
and they hurt
When I reach around you,
I reach to far.
Shouldn't last line be "too far" ?


This was nice. Nice way to express it. Looking forward to read more from you.
#8
Great expression of a topic crying for attention.
Shes a rebel, she's a saint