#1
met her at a beach party
she was already horny
lyin' on the quick sand
I offered her a hand
to rub her lotion
in one smooth motion
from her shoulders
down to her holsters

she looked like eighteen
was more like seventeen
she wore a low-cut
and smelt like halibut
she'd been sailing
while I'd been waiting
to batter her cod
or something else hot

she smiled at me sickly like a treacle pudding in the sun
she flashed me her cleavage before planting her hand upon by bum
she was dressed in leather but not much cos you could see her navel
she quipped like oscar wilde and said "i guess you live at the stable"?
(she was talkin'
about ma thing)

and in the morning
well we were scoring
another set of notches
upon each other's crotches
we tally up again
just gone eleven
so lets make it a twelfth
I hear it's good health

she touched me in a kinda of way that indicated she was ready
I put it in and took it out and she said "no I'm not ready"
I looked her in the eye and saw a glimmer that I'd started
she mouthed "I love you" then put me back to where we'd parted
(she was handlin'
around ma thing)

she was my smut song
she wore a slut's thong
another size-nine
from a magazine
she looked like eighteen
she was seventeen
now baby let's never stop

no baby let's never stop
no

oh yeah!
#3
haha, I'm really not sure how to take this. From what I've read of you before, I'm going to take this as a satire. Even if it wasn't, i thin i shat myself reading this. Bloody hell that was funny.