#1
"Unsent Letters"

The days are getting easier
Shorter and fewer as they go
Unfortunately so have your letters
Despite the many I have to show

I know you’re getting busier
With each passing of light
And I know you've got challenges
And obstacles in your sight

-Chorus-
Well I am...
still disappointed in the letters you haven't sent
It's hard to hate the love
Even when its the cause of what you resent

I find that writing down my feeligns expresses best
All my emotions in their truest
How Ironic is it that an angel clips my wings
yet every time I see her, my heart swings


Don't worry babe, despite my ties
My word will be sent every day
I still want you to hear
Every last word I’ve got to say

Even if you can't do for me
What I try to do for you
I'll always understand
And somehow push on through

-Chorus-
Well I am...
still disappointed in the letters you haven't sent
It's hard to hate the love
Even when its the cause of what you resent

I find that writing down my feeligns expresses best
All my emotions in their truest
How Ironic is it that an angel clips my wings
yet every time I see her, my heart swings
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#2
The first bit caught my interest but after that the rhymes are terrible! Scrap the rhyme scheme altogether if you can't fix it, but at least try to change it - it sounds so forced and ruins an idea which had potential.
He likes Keats but she's into Yeats - it's a matter of Romance

E-Mistress to UG's Finest Gentleman


Come away, oh human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a fairy hand in hand;
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
#3
How Ironic is it that an angel clips my wings
yet every time I see her, my heart swings


I like these lines, theyre pretty good.

Nice idea too, i understand what you're putting accross, but i do agree with miss_muso, to an extent - the rhymes do become a bit too forced. This idea has potential, keep with it.
MY DESIGN/PHOTOGRAPHY TUMBLR
Quote by SEALSniper1152

If you take a jar, and whisper what you want to hate into it, then close the jar, coat it in crunchy peanut butter, and shove it up your ass. I'm pretty sure you could hate everything after that.
#4
Holy sh!t!

The first song I've read since I got back on this forum... And it's amazing!


The days are getting easier
Shorter and fewer as they go
Unfortunately so have your letters
Despite the many I have to show

This is a good, solid intro. Nothing wrong with it that I see.

I know you’re getting busier
With each passing of light
And I know you've got challenges
And obstacles in your sight

This is a good setter for the conflict of what you're saying. The only thing I don't like about it (and keep in mind, this is just an opinion) the word sight at the end sort of sounds like forced rhyming. Change it or leave it, either way it's powerful.

-Chorus-
Well I am...
still disappointed in the letters you haven't sent
It's hard to hate the love
Even when its the cause of what you resent

I find that writing down my feeligns expresses best
All my emotions in their truest
How Ironic is it that an angel clips my wings
yet every time I see her, my heart swings

The chorus is just incredible. I absolutly love the last two lines, they sound so perfect. Don't change a thing on this.


Don't worry babe, despite my ties
My word will be sent every day
I still want you to hear
Every last word I’ve got to say

Usually 'babe' in a song sound cliche' but somehow, it actually sounds good here. this stanza sounds great. the only thing thing I would change (again, opinions) is the last line sounds kind of stuttery (is that a word?) when sung a loud.

Even if you can't do for me
What I try to do for you
I'll always understand
And somehow push on through

Again, this line sounds a LITTLE bit like forced rhyming. But I still like it.

-Chorus-
Well I am...
still disappointed in the letters you haven't sent
It's hard to hate the love
Even when its the cause of what you resent

I find that writing down my feeligns expresses best
All my emotions in their truest
How Ironic is it that an angel clips my wings
yet every time I see her, my heart swings

Amazing chorus


Overall I would give your song a 9.5/10

Keep writing
UG's HIPPIE
#5
I like the intro and the chorus, especially the last two lines
How Ironic is it that an angel clips my wings
yet every time I see her, my heart swings

Pure genius

But really, the rest of it doesn't really flow, and I would also agree that it feels a bit forced most of the time