#1
Raise your glasses,
this is a toast to progress,
we've got a black Jesus in office
that CNN tells me will take care of my problems.
Well he can have them whether he takes care of them or not,
cause I've sure dealt with them enough.

This is for finally realizing that the only one you loved,
Always wanted someone else,
Well somebody should've given that bit
    ch an oscar,
    cause if noone told me,
    I never woulda known.

    Will someone please tell that bluebird
    he's wasting his time singing to me,
    I was perfectly content drowning in self misery
    -ha, get it, "drowning in misery" it rhymes too ha-

    Well i go to sleep tonight feeling half alive,
    she told me it's not over then she said goodbye,
    Won't you please answer your phone,
    I'm tired of being the funny drunk.
    Come on babe let me show you that other side,
    the one you always wanted to see,
    its here now
    all you got to do is cover the cab
    and i'll show up sorry as can be.

    P.S I finished your fucking song.
    then burned you a cd
    and pissed on the ashes.
    #2
    Quote by bluesybilly
    Raise your glasses,
    this is a toast to progress,
    we've got a black Jesus in office
    that CNN tells me will take care of my problems.
    Well he can have them whether he takes care of them or not,
    cause I've sure dealt with them enough.

    This is for finally realizing that the only one you loved,
    Always wanted someone else,
    Well somebody should've given that bitch an oscar,
    cause if noone told me,
    I never woulda known.

    Will someone please tell that bluebird
    he's wasting his time singing to me,
    I was perfectly content drowning in self misery

    Well i go to sleep tonight feeling half alive,
    she told me it's not over then she said goodbye,
    Won't you please answer your phone,
    I'm tired of being the funny drunk.
    Come on babe let me show you that other side,
    the one you always wanted to see,
    its here now
    all you got to do is cover the cab
    and i'll show up sorry as can be.

    P.S I finished your ****ing song.
    then burned you a cd
    and pissed on the ashes.


    Wow, intense. This could be very powerful, or it could be pathetic, depending on the delivery. I didn't like the voice in some of it, but I'm not really supposed to like a drunken rant, so I was okay with that. The bluebird bit was delicious, and the line "I'm tired of being the funny drink" is an insightful comment on alcoholism. The PS is wrenching and clever at the same time.

    All that said, if you need help, get it But don't quit writing songs. This is good stuff.

    peace
    #3
    This is kewl man.
    I really like the 4th verse. the rest is a little more abstract but it's still okay. wordplay is nice. it's really telling a decent story. It explains alot in just a few lines.
    #4
    It's kinda weird, but I liked it.

    Especially the paragraph with the bluebird, though i couldn't honestly tell if that last line with the -ha ... ha- was actually supposed to be part of the lyrics or just a comment u made ?
    #5
    First and Last stanzas were the only thing that caught me. this seemed like the rest of the pieces you've written lately (content wise) but just not done as well. I didn't get even half of the passion of some of your more recent ones; and those delivered better lines. The "aside" style didn't carry well due to a general lack of tone, which didn't really develop until right at the end.

    Just didn't feel like you meant this one. Felt like you built it around the idea of using "Black Jesus in office" and "Piss on the ashes of a burned CD" in a piece. They were good... the rest was lacking.

    9mm in sig, if you get time.
    #6

    It makes sense anyway. The drinking is just to recover from the shock that the sense is all you have.




    love is a dog from hell.