#1
*Verse* 1

A life of solitude
Your heart tucked away
Undress your pretenses
With half hearted smiles
Let me in love
I'll define the world
Send it below,swallow the truth
Tell me your name


*Chorus*

Faith in none,freedom within
A mask of beauty
A heart full of sin
Hiding the truth
A game you can't win
So take me now
Just let me in


*Verse* 2

I'll be you paramour
When your heart burns for him
Take away the pain
And lick your wounds
Set you free of your cage
Come forth from the shadows
Out into the sun
Ignorance is bliss
To the world I've become


*Chorus*

Faith in none,freedom within
A mask of beauty
A heart full of sin
Hiding the truth
A game you can't win
So take me now
Just let me in


*Verse* 3

We can run away
From their lack luster eyes
Closer to our horizons
Far away from home
As long as we're together
We will never be alone


*Chorus*

Faith in none,freedom within
A mask of beauty
A heart full of sin
Hiding the truth
A game you can't win
So take me now
Just let me in
Last edited by jarvis1985 at Feb 24, 2009,
#2
It's got good feeling behind it, n I like where you're going with it, but....

It's really abstract....
Abstract is good sometimes, but when you're trying to put feeling like this into a song, it's hard to get the reader/listener to get a grip on it

In simple terms, this needs something concrete, u know, definite, so that we can connect with the emotion better. We need a bit of something to relate to....

It's not bad though, n I understand, it's easy to stay abstract, I catch myself doing it all the time.... Just go through and look around and think "where can I make an image or an example for the reader/listener to see exactly what I'm talking about ?"

Other than that, good work, keep it up
#3
I like this song alot, it's very kinda f**k you attitude and it works really well.

My only suggestion is to change the structure, and I'm really iffy on that. It is very abstract, but I think it fits this song.

On a completely odd note, can someone tell me how set up a sig? I have no idea how to and its making me angry

EDIT: ok, just added a song of mine, here: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1075924

c4c?
Last edited by WaterlooHystria at Feb 25, 2009,