#1
Watching my life rewind
From the attic of my mind
Thinking bout the things we did
When we were just little kids

Watching the world go by
We could not recognize
All the things we'd done
We were just all too young

Sittin' on the edge of my sanity
Somewhere in between my dignity
And pride
But there's nothin' to find

Sittin' on the edge of my sanity
Somewhere in between my dignity
And pride
But there's nothin' to find

I wish I could break these chains
I'm sure there's somethin' to gain
If only you could feel my shame
I'm sure you wouldn't seem the same

I wish I could walk away
Just get up and leave today
But that wouldn't change what's been
My only eternal sin

Sittin' on the edge of my sanity
Somewhere in between my dignity
And pride
But there's nothin' to find

Sittin' on the edge of my sanity
Somewhere in between my dignity
And pride
But there's nothin' to find
#2
Quote by ttreat31
Watching my life rewind
From the attic of my mind
Thinking bout the things we did
When we were just little kids
I feel like there's an extra syllable in the last line.


Watching the world go by
We could not recognize
All the things we'd done
We were just all too young

The last line again feels a little awkward. But it could be different when sung.


Sittin' on the edge of my sanity
Somewhere in between my dignity
And pride
But there's nothin' to find


Sittin' on the edge of my sanity
Somewhere in between my dignity
And pride
But there's nothin' to find

Very, very solid chorus. Once again feels off rhythm wise but I could just not be reading it right.


I wish I could break these chains
I'm sure there's somethin' to gain
If only you could feel my shame
I'm sure you wouldn't seem the same

Haha, I don't know what it is with me and the last lines of your stanzas. I don't really like this one either. I feel like this could be a much more powerful line. Or even just the same idea expressed better.

I wish I could walk away
Just get up and leave today
But that wouldn't change what's been
My only eternal sin

Shazaam! 4th line of the stanza kicked some ass finally. Best verse.


Sittin' on the edge of my sanity
Somewhere in between my dignity
And pride
But there's nothin' to find

Sittin' on the edge of my sanity
Somewhere in between my dignity
And pride
But there's nothin' to find


Solid song overall. It could use some tweaking and a little polish but I like it.

critique mine? it's in the sig
I want Super Saiyan abilities
Last edited by rebelmidget at Feb 24, 2009,
#3
Thanks for the crit. The last lines of those stanzas actually work out quite well the way I sing it (same with the chorus), but I'm definitely going to revisit the parts you noted. Much appreciated.