tpkemme
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
318 IQ
#1
i just wanted a stereotypical metal sounding name heh. this is the first song i've ever written. i'm not a drummer, so the drum parts may be ridiculous i don't know. i also can't write a bass part.

anyway, comments are appreciated.

crit 4 crit
Attachments:
Odiousabohorrence.zip
wait what
Last edited by tpkemme at Feb 25, 2009,
St.Loony
Banned
Join date: Aug 2007
367 IQ
#2
*Crit While List*
The acoustic I like... Seems like its going into a ballad. The acoustic is very emotional like.
BOOM!
I think that riff just melted my face off. Love it. Nothing wrong there.
I'm guessing this is the verse riff? Nice... Nice... I can imagine some lyrics over that. The tremolo work nicely (after 2nd listen though, it didn't sound right at first, blame MSN). The riff afterwards sounds like its taking the energy out of the song but don't get me wrong, its a very good riff.
Still disappointed that the energy has gone.
Nice drum solo/breakdown you got there, though the only problem is that I can't hear the guitars very well. Nice solo work too though I was expecting it to go on longer.
Riff again and again nothing wrong.
Liked bars 92-102 though the drums seemed messy.
Bar 111 lead I like. Maybe it shoudl go on a bit longer and vary as it gets longer maybe?
I didn't like how it just ended. It needed more. Maybe just a last C rang our for 4 bars. Or maybe fade out with the said lead?

Overall
To be honest; I couldn't find that much wrong with it. Transition was fine. Guitars worked well together. Drums on the most part were excellent but they sounded messy at times. Another thing about the drums is that they are too loud. I couldn't hear the guitars very well on some riffs which I was disappointed about.

I give this song an 8.5/10

C4C? In sig.
tpkemme
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
318 IQ
#3
ah, i thank you very much for your crit. the reason the drums are really loud is cuz my guitar pro is messed up and the rse for drums is really really quiet i don't know why...

but thanks a lot for the crit
wait what
St.Loony
Banned
Join date: Aug 2007
367 IQ
#4
Quote by tpkemme
ah, i thank you very much for your crit. the reason the drums are really loud is cuz my guitar pro is messed up and the rse for drums is really really quiet i don't know why...

but thanks a lot for the crit


Ah right I see.

No problem dude
The Arsis
UG Freak
Join date: Feb 2009
2,378 IQ
#5
Sorry for sounding like a lazy critter... but there isn't anything I would change about the song? It is near perfect. I'm really trying to come up with somehting to fix but I can't. I was wonder if you had a mp3 of this because I would like to hear it with actual instruments being played. Nice work 9/10.
tpkemme
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
318 IQ
#6
xD i can't play it with actual instruments i till i get myself a band... and a pretty bad ass drummer haha
wait what
valdean
No.
Join date: Dec 2007
476 IQ
#7
Alrighty, sorry for getting back so late.
The acoustic intro is pretty nice. It reminds me of something, but I can't remember.
The next has some cool thing going on. I'm not really sure what to say.
Then at bar 23, I feel that something is missing. Mabye it is the drums.
The riffs from bar 39 are good, but I don't think that it sounds so good when you go from sixteens to thirty-seconds there, if you know what I mean. The "triplet" thing.
Everything sounds good from there on.
I like the solo thing. Simple, (well, not Seven Nation Army simple, but you're not all over the fretboard either) but really nice.
I don't like the next riff too much, but it's ok.
I belive that's about it.

7,5/10.
At 93 and forward, I'm not really satisfied.
Follow the smoke toward the riff filled land
brutal