#1
Here's a more poem-like poem I wrote, rather than a song. It's still a performance piece, though. It's best considered read loudly, in a voice of oratory, just after the men have finished their meat and had a flagon or two; before the drumming starts and the longhouse girls come in to dance barefoot on the rushes; just as the dogs settle down by the fire with their soup bones, and the king claps his hands for the trays to be cleared.

As a poetic convention, where there is dialog, I've used italics rather than quotation marks, 'cause I think it looks cool

Glow, grape's blood! Fill wine sails golden
Skald wind fill the hall! Embolden
Glory in the warriors told in
Skald tales, as of old

Harpists honor Honmund's glory
Deeds and death are told in story
Ended ere his crown earned, for he
Fell in burning gore

Stood his stead on storied tor in
Steady times while ships made war his
Brother brooded, bastard born,
Inheriting no hoard

Fallow field the soil enriched by
Father's blood with Norn craft stitched
Valkyries drive his death team hitched to
Longboat pyre and pitch

Honmund, come, my cup to share
Came the brother unaware
Bastard Baeren's case laid bare
Before his brother's care

I, Older, honored, known by farmers
You, subtle sailor, known to wander
Won by war, the father's honor
Lost by viking long


Baeren boasted bold his hearth craft
Honmund, vine veins tapped, in hard wrath
Stood and staggered hand to haft
And spoke his lusty heart

Baeren, still a bastard, thou
Unfit to reign, go tend thy cow

So Honmund's hand his fate did plow
None heard the Norn's glad shout

Baeren, brother basely born to
Maid uncrowned, unwed, forlorn, her
Honor tossed aside and torn would
Burn his blood in scorn

Barred the doors the bastard's men blocked
Honmund's warriors unaware talked
Late, too late, the brother's men balked
Burning hapless kin

Honmond's colors high hung honor;
Seas the wine ships sailed upon were
Tinder for the great hall gone: burned
Sadly sung the song

While the women wept and wailed on
Warrior's pyre where timbers failed on
Soil ship sailing Dis thread tailing
Tindr's son shall say

Charred the sea the wine ship sailed on
Choking yet the harpist railed on
Honor's hall Valhalla hailed on
Honmund's crowning day
Last edited by Nilchii at Feb 25, 2009,
#2
very different. the main problem (in terms of technique) I saw as I was reading was that it felt like you ignored the flow in places- mainly at the end of stanzas. Now, it may have been intentional, but that doesn't make it less annoying. Thematically, it looks like you accomplished what you set out to do: that is, tell a story in the bardic fashion. But I feel like this didn't take anything out of you; the way you used technique and your unique arsenal of words implies to me that you could be writing on a more advanced level thematically.
But whatever. I read it and liked it, and came away untouched. If that doesn't bother you, then don't worry about it.
#3
It's true that I didn't have much more ambition here than telling a story in a bardic fashion. I'm teaching myself Icelandic poetic forms (in English), and this poem is basically kenning practice