#2
Quote by WaterlooHystria
Ok, here's a song I wrote awhile ago, it's kinda country, kinda rock, sorta like CCR, I think.

Too young to fall so fast
Too sheltered to have any class
This was decent.
Too naive to know anything
Too eager to begin
This was a good continuation of what you started with "Too...to...", but the flow is kinda off here.
Too jaded to know how to win
Too complicated to handle
This was okay as well.

Here we go, hit the ground runnin'
Here we go, all we're gunnin' for is
I don't quite understand this, if I'm honest. It wasn't too bad, I just don't understand what it's there for.

Tonight tonight, it'll be all right
Under the stars in the moonlight
Far from the city, into the night
:/ If I'm honest, this would probably work, but it's horribly cliche...
Tonight tonight, it'll be okay
Long from the light; far away
We'll be gone by the break of day
Say goodbye
This was much better than the first half!

Too quick on how to act
Too simple to learn from the past
Never let anything in their way
Too narrow to change
Too set in their ways
Too many days go by
You started off good again, but it seems you kind of started to run out of ideas? Don't be afraid to go with a new idea and abaondon the one that you have started and developed once you have used up everything you can.

Here we go, hit the ground runnin'
Here we go, all we're gunnin' for is

Tonight tonight, it'll be all right
Under the stars in the moonlight
Far from the city, into the night
Tonight tonight, it'll be okay
Long from the light; far away
We'll be gone by the break of day
Say goodbye

Tonight tonight, it'll be all right
Under the stars in the moonlight
Far from the city, into the night
Tonight tonight, it'll be okay
Long from the light; far away
We'll be gone by the break of day
Say goodbye


Overall, the song is very decent - i can easily picture it as a song in the genre that it is in, and think you have a solid start. What I would do is review it, and not be afraid to change things, even if it changes the direction that the song goes in.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=18757715#post18757715
#3
*Verse*
Too young to fall so fast
Too sheltered to have any class
Too naive to know anything
Too eager to begin
Too jaded to know how to win
Too complicated to handle

*Bridge*
Here we go, hit the ground runnin'
Here we go, all we're gunnin' for is

*Chorus*
Tonight tonight, it'll be all right
Under the stars in the moonlight
Far from the city, into the night
Tonight tonight, it'll be okay
Long from the light; far away
We'll be gone by the break of day
Say goodbye

*Verse*
Too quick on how to act
Too simple to learn from the past
Never let anything in their way
Too narrow to ever change
Too set in their ways
Too many days go by

*Bridge*
Here we go, hit the ground runnin'
Here we go, all we're gunnin' for is

*Chorus*
Tonight tonight, it'll be all right
Under the stars in the moonlight
Far from the city, into the night
Tonight tonight, it'll be okay
Long from the light; far away
We'll be gone by the break of day
Say goodbye

*Maybe a solo here*

*Chorus*
Tonight tonight, it'll be all right
Under the stars in the moonlight
Far from the city, into the night
Tonight tonight, it'll be okay
Long from the light; far away
We'll be gone by the break of day
Say goodbye

Hope this helps the reading, I'm probably gonna go back and do a little re-write later on.
Last edited by WaterlooHystria at Feb 25, 2009,
#4
okay, i haven't read it yet, but I will in a minute, i just wanted to point out that this is already a title of a smashing pumpkins song
#7
you do not have to change the title... There are HUNDREDS of songs with the same title, leave it if you want.
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!