Spency
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2006
301 IQ
#1
I wrote this piece for my year 12 HSC composition. The only restriction is that it must be under 2 minutes and it can't be a basic rock song. All feedback is appreciated as this piece is worth 10% of my music 2 HSC.

This piece includes, Acoustic Guitar, Drums, Violin and Bass.

I will C4C, just post the link and I'll return the favour.

Edit: I have updated my piece to give it more of a climax.
Attachments:
Lost in a Dream.zip
Updated Lost in a Dream.zip
Last edited by Spency at Mar 19, 2009,
ultimate-slash
Playing the tempeh
Join date: Oct 2007
755 IQ
#2
Sounds really good:p
the only thing I have to say really is that maybe the drumtrack is maybe a little basic or something? nothing wrong with that off course, but it may start to get a tad boring if you pay too much attention to the background of the song:p maybe you could try adding some more into the drums at the repeat part, spicing it up a little bit? but that's just my opinion:p

and besides that I think the song covers itself up for the most part, if you would only take the guitar apart for instance, maybe the repeat would be a tad too much, but you've solved that by changing from violin to bass, which makes it more interesting to listen to, all in all I would say that this a very nice piece of art

real good job dude 10/10

could you please have a look at my piece?
thanx:p

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1070789&highlight=faded+dream
Leaving the choirs behind to sing
of anything fair
of lilac spring
.
Macabre_Turtle
UG's UGer
Join date: Oct 2006
640 IQ
#3
I couldn't hear any of the percussion. My GP won't play those pieces.
It certainly shows your understanding of music, but it just really doesn't entertain me. It just seems pretty hollow to me, if you know what I mean. Like there's not enough background support. So, maybe add another guitar or a harp or piano to do some more chord work. I think that would make a drastic difference. Also, I'd say some kind of bridge is needed, because there's just one flat mood the whole way, which I'm not a fan of.

C4C? If you're into calmer stuff like this then my "Third Movement" would be the best for you to look at.
Spency
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2006
301 IQ
#4
Ultimate-Slash: I'll definitely try spicing up the drum track the next time i get to play practice on a drum.

Macabre_Turtle: Without the drums my piece does sound extremely hollow, but hopefully after I alter them a bit there will be a bigger sound to the piece. I'll fiddle around a bit with some backing chords and see if it'll fit.
The only problem with trying to add a bridge is that i have the 2 minute restriction and it's currently at 1:53.
Macabre_Turtle
UG's UGer
Join date: Oct 2006
640 IQ
#5
Quote by Spency

Macabre_Turtle: Without the drums my piece does sound extremely hollow, but hopefully after I alter them a bit there will be a bigger sound to the piece. I'll fiddle around a bit with some backing chords and see if it'll fit.
The only problem with trying to add a bridge is that i have the 2 minute restriction and it's currently at 1:53.


Maybe you could speed it up a tad and remove a repeat for more time? It's not super important, I just think it would spice it up.
St.Loony
Banned
Join date: Aug 2007
367 IQ
#6
Thanks for the crit. Will return when I'm at home and hopefully feeling better

*Blackdotted*
BlackandSilver
UG Member
Join date: Jun 2008
303 IQ
#7
Lol well Lou asked me to do this crit. -Takes St.Loony's dot-

First, thanks for checking out Your's Sincerely. Now, my review.

This is a pretty nice piece here. Cool atmostphere, sweet melodies, but it's a little calm. It's kind of like a lullaby, and the mood doesn't move much. I like the sound, but it left me expecting a progression. For the nice feeling, though, I'd give it a 8/10. I'd like to hear more of your work.
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when i grow up i wanna have blackandsilver's babies!

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HOLY HELL.

nice discovery, sir.


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Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
Spency
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2006
301 IQ
#8
I finally got around to altering the piece. The things i changed were the Intro, I got rid of the Repeat, and I added a piano part to add more of a climax to the ending.
The intro is just a very simple harmonic thing. This is supposed to act as the person falling asleep and the rest of the song is about his dream.

I'm also thinking about ending the piece with an alarm clock to "wake the person up" from his dream.
JesseBlanchard
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2007
626 IQ
#9
Intro riff is kinda cool.
Bar eleven is exacly the same as a bar from some solo. Cant remember where though. Doesnt matter though since its only one bar.
I dont really enjoy the jungle drum type thing. Buts just according to taste, musically, it fits in well.
Starting at bar 30 sounds pretttty.
Piano coming in sounds okay, could be better though.

Only problem I have is with the jungle drums, thats it.

7/10.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=19085966#post19085966
Macabre_Turtle
UG's UGer
Join date: Oct 2006
640 IQ
#10
I listened to the update.
It actually let me hear the percussion this time. Don't know why I couldn't before. But hearing that didn't fill out a lot of the "emptiness" I mentioned. And the piano did fix the flat mood. Good work, really.