#1
Aimed for a metal band. They're about Jack the Ripper, and infamous uncaught London serial killer.

I am the man that will not be blamed for nothing
I am the man that walks the night
I am the plague that answers to nothing
Bonded by blood to my murderous knife

I am the knave of hearts that steals them
Ceasefire by day, by night I attack
Your insides will become your out
I am the joker in the pack


Born the king of evisceration
Living to lay waste to a nation
Touch and feel my blade, its sharpness
Londons Macabre Prince of Darkness


I am the man that murders angels
I am the man that comes from hell
Silencing screams and deadly business
Bloody angels from heaven fell
#2
Are you suggesting that prostitutes are angels?
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
#3
Quote by strat0blaster
Are you suggesting that prostitutes are angels?


i am suggesting that comparatively, everyone that isn't jack the ripper is an angel. Victorian london was quite self important. Maybe not the prostitutes.
#4
Quote by Hammerzeit

I am the man that will not be blamed for nothing
I am the man that walks the night
I am the plague that answers to nothing
Bonded by blood to my murderous knife
I will suggest "won't" instead of "will not" in the first line. I think this will help the flow.

I am the knave of hearts that steals them
Ceasefire by day, by night I attack
Your insides will become your out
I am the joker in the pack

2nd line, it seems a bit weird seeing "by night" next to "by day". Why not something like "By day I wait, by night i attack" ?

Born the king of evisceration
Living to lay waste to a nation
Touch and feel my blade, its sharpness
Londons Macabre Prince of Darkness


I am the man that murders angels
I am the man that comes from hell
Silencing screams and deadly business
Bloody angels from heaven fell


Overall it was nice. I could easily see this as a metal piece. Any music for it yet ?

C4C ?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1074995
#5
I'm not all that into metal,
but I can see this being a metal song,
so good work

Only thing, i have no idea what evisceration means,
but that's not really a problem :p
#6
Quote by greyeyedfire
I'm not all that into metal,
but I can see this being a metal song,
so good work

Only thing, i have no idea what evisceration means,
but that's not really a problem :p


It means disembowelment. Nice.

Quote by UVER


I will suggest "won't" instead of "will not" in the first line. I think this will help the flow.

You're probably right. It was a quote though from one of the rippers letter so i left it unchanged for a bit more effect.


2nd line, it seems a bit weird seeing "by night" next to "by day". Why not something like "By day I wait, by night i attack" ?

Again, good point, it is a bit odd. I reckon "Ceasefire by day, when night falls, attack!"




Thanks for the crit. Very helpful.
The verses fit to something i've written. Guitarist of my band has gone to do a chorus and a prechorus vocal line.
Last edited by Hammerzeit at Feb 26, 2009,