#1

The Cunt Whisperer


It may stem from a lack of common sense,
But all your favorite superheroes pay rent, recieve stimulus checks
and keep their mind focused on the present tense -
Moral relativity filling out spandex.
Right now I could be soundproofing the guest bedroom with
yellow jagged insulation, muffling Joni Mitchell blowing bubbles
in my eyes, standing a bass guitar in it's stand and whacking the
top E with a hammer, letting it drone and drone and drone while
I slip out to pay my phone bill, canvas bag and duct-taped bumper.
She's a good girl, and I couldn't love her for that.
She'll get to Heaven simply because she believes in it so much.
She'll open the Bible and lay her finger down and name her
kids to exact specification of whatever 800 year old water-walker she lands on.
Right now, I could be writing a long diatribe on a social networking website,
About the weight of water or whatever someone with a semester of
creative writing does.
Superheroes still buy bus tickets at 8 a.m. that expire at 12 p.m.
because they didn't have the extra change for an all day pass,
And I'll still wonder where physicians get the right to incoporate religion
into the workplace as I close my left eye at the Optometrist's office
and read the smallest text of "God is Love" on an index card projected on the
wall to determine which eye holds the stigmatism.
God is love, and love never really works out now does it?
Poor advice.
#2
That's actually pretty cool...I'm not sure exactly how it would fit in a song, but as a poem I think it's quite good. The title though...not so much.
#3
great stuff, i'll read through it again n crit it in a minute, but I wanted to point out real quick that it's spelled

astigmatism

It may stem from a lack of common sense,
It may just be me, but it seems like it would be stronger to put "your" rather than "a" in this line
But all your favorite superheroes pay rent, recieve stimulus checks
Also, separating these lines also seems like it would make more effect
and keep their mind focused on the present tense -
Moral relativity filling out spandex.
This one line doesn't really seem to have any meaning, it's just taking up space
Right now I could be soundproofing the guest bedroom with
yellow jagged insulation, muffling Joni Mitchell blowing bubbles
Also, splitting lines here, I think, would help

in my eyes, standing a bass guitar in it's stand and whacking the
top E with a hammer, letting it drone and drone and drone while
Love these two lines
I slip out to pay my phone bill, canvas bag and duct-taped bumper.
Again, this seems like several lines crammed into one
except from canvas bag on it doesn't really make much sense one way or another


She's a good girl, and I couldn't love her for that.
She'll get to Heaven simply because she believes in it so much.
She'll open the Bible and lay her finger down and name her
kids to exact specification of whatever 800 year old water-walker she lands on.
Really, there's nothing wrong with this, it just doesn't seem to fit here
Right now, I could be writing a long diatribe on a social networking website,
About the weight of water or whatever someone with a semester of
creative writing does.
Good stuff here

Superheroes still buy bus tickets at 8 a.m. that expire at 12 p.m.
because they didn't have the extra change for an all day pass,
I like how you went back to the superheroes, but I wish you would've kept them back up for a bit longer, or possibly moved this part to the end, so that it begins and ends with superheroes
And I'll still wonder where physicians get the right to incoporate religion
into the workplace as I close my left eye at the Optometrist's office
and read the smallest text of "God is Love" on an index card projected on the
wall to determine which eye holds the stigmatism.
God is love, and love never really works out now does it?
I liked this, it just doesn't really seem to be good for an ending,
again, I liked the idea of swapping this with the superhero part
Last edited by greyeyedfire at Feb 26, 2009,
#4
This wasn't what I was expecting from the title, but I don't care. This was pure Randy brilliance.