#1
i owe a couple people I think. remind me if you read this but I'll try to get to it by saturday

not sure about this one. I might be biased in my liking of it.

civil war

dashboard stars projected on the glass
your face lit up by the glow of the dash
there's an ocean out there somewhere
past the shoulder of a windblown passenger
and that of the turning cliffside road
And then I slow

when I take my foot off the gas
and the engine calms
I think I can hear the sea whispering
a little to softly for deciphering
but loud enough to pull me towards it
leaning to hear, pulling the wheel
it's washing waves, it's ghostly sound
the tumbling cliffs, tumbling down

A boat at night
waters endless stars
nothing but bliss, you're sleeping body, and scars
flotsam- sinking, disruptive- shipwrecked
I think I can hear the waves whispering yet
here I sit
wondering if
it'd be better to
have turned the radio louder
and woken you up
with exhaust flowing outward
with the ford moving forwards
and here I sit
not swimming, dieing
drowning, crying
I'm hopefully
only hypnotized.
here I sit
divided.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#2
Quote by jiminizzle
i owe a couple people I think. remind me if you read this but I'll try to get to it by saturday

not sure about this one. I might be biased in my liking of it.

civil war

dashboard stars projected on the glass
your face lit up by the glow of the dash
there's an ocean out there somewhere
past the shoulder of a windblown passenger
and that of the turning cliffside road
And then I slow

when I take my foot off the gas
and the engine calms
I think I can hear the sea whispering
a little to softly for deciphering
but loud enough to pull me towards it
leaning to hear, pulling the wheel
it's washing waves, it's ghostly sound
the tumbling cliffs, tumbling down

A boat at night
waters endless stars
nothing but bliss, you're sleeping body, and scars
flotsam- sinking, disruptive- shipwrecked
I think I can hear the waves whispering yet
here I sit
wondering if
it'd be better to
have turned the radio louder
and woken you up
with exhaust flowing outward
with the ford moving forwards
and here I sit
not swimming, dieing
drowning, crying
I'm hopefully
only hypnotized.
here I sit
divided.


What is it about the ocean in winter? It's beautiful, isn't it? I personally don't remember much of it, as it was frozen for what seemed like miles out, the waves having formed six foot tall cairns half a mile out to sea. What was great was being able to walk out there and look back on the shore and scream "Jesus doesn't have shit on me!" It was empowering, like driving south on Route 1, like I see happening here. On a nice day, there's nothing greater, because you're on the side of the road closest to the water, and when you look to your right, you see her smiling, and the ocean is her backdrop.

"Your" is a good one to remember. Editors will tear you a new one with that. The flotsam line is too much an attempt to relate to the sea, and is extremely unnecessary. The strength of the poem decreases as we move on, only carried on by things like the little bit of alliteration in "flowing...the ford moving forwards" (though the form was cool). I'm hopefully only hypnotized is a good looking dressup of "this has got to be a dream" but we end weekly and more weakly with divided, I'm tempted to switch those last lines around, as if that wish was the concluding thought, leaving it open for interpretation, instead of the reality of it being that you are not.
#3
What is it about the ocean in winter? It's beautiful, isn't it? I personally don't remember much of it, as it was frozen for what seemed like miles out, the waves having formed six foot tall cairns half a mile out to sea. What was great was being able to walk out there and look back on the shore and scream "Jesus doesn't have shit on me!" It was empowering, like driving south on Route 1, like I see happening here. On a nice day, there's nothing greater, because you're on the side of the road closest to the water, and when you look to your right, you see her smiling, and the ocean is her backdrop.
ahh perfect. walking on the ocean? amazing. I'm right there with you.


"Your" is a good one to remember. Editors will tear you a new one with that. The flotsam line is too much an attempt to relate to the sea, and is extremely unnecessary. The strength of the poem decreases as we move on, only carried on by things like the little bit of alliteration in "flowing...the ford moving forwards" (though the form was cool). I'm hopefully only hypnotized is a good looking dressup of "this has got to be a dream" but we end weekly and more weakly with divided, I'm tempted to switch those last lines around, as if that wish was the concluding thought, leaving it open for interpretation, instead of the reality of it being that you are not.


"you're"-- embarrassing haha

very good points. I think you have a good point with the last line but I'll have to contemplate changing that too much.

Thanks for reading. Glad you got something out of it.

see ya around. lemme know if you want an opinion on somethin.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me