#1
Little bit OTS but ironically sounds less like pop crap. Didn't intend for it to rhyme every other line but couldn't figure out a decent way to fix it without killing the idea. WIP.
Do me a favor and crit the heck out of it.

Cut the cord
I'd grown so sure
But hold me back
My world is black

Give her the dues
Of subterfuge
But wait a day
No more will stay

Bring me down
To wherever you are from
Where fear and shame
Came to be your name
Take me there
But beloved be aware
You are dead to me
Last edited by Losing me at Feb 27, 2009,
#3
Uh-oh! That is called a BUMP. Please read the rules of this forum. Next time, try critiquing others in a thoughtful fashion, then leaving a link to your own thread in order to garner attention for your songs.