#1
just finished this last night
Quite happy with it for a 2nd song - ill post my first tomorrow as im more eager to see opinions on this one
Story is told within the lyrics.
Written hopefully to be put to an EpiccyDeathMetal song later

Name Ideas:
Invading Eden.
The Gates of Eden.
Purity Burns.
The Ashes of Eden.


Banished to the black and twisting Nether
Spirits of Anguish,
Geists of Hate,
Demons of Agony,
Shades of Malice,
Spawn of the Impure.
The armies of the Undead:
Seeking Vengeance upon the Light.

Burning Legions of Hell,
Scourge of the Earth;
Freed from chains once bound.
Escaping the Gates to the Underworld
March upon mortal lands
With Chaos in their Wake.
A Fortress Of Evil stands fierce upon the world.

Pestilence tormenting Nature
Plagueing Earth's sentient Life.
Withered Tree's & shrivelled plants
Scattered upon grounds of ash.
Horizons filled with darkness eternal
Purging the light,
Dividing hope, shattering dreams.

The Citadel of Eden;
A Beacon of Purity
Besieged by darkness.
Cloaked in Eternal Twilight
Light condemned.
Evil Reigns Supreme.

Demons and Dreadlords,
Commanding the Chaos.
Slaughtering citizens
Bastardizing the Faith held close to their soul
No mercy to the living,
Prayers answered with death
Morality Discarded.

Halls of the Gods
Stormed by the Legions
Archangels fall one by one:
Hearts pierced by cold steel
Wings torn from flesh.

The Dark Lord triumphant,
Eyes cast over the ashes of Eden.
Dismembered gods burn,
Erased from History.


The Divine Light Lost
#4
Although you've obviously made the effort to use complex vocabulary and good descriptions, the lyrics are quite boring - there's no real message to them, they just describe some sort of fantasy adventure about dragons and dungeons... which is great if you're into all that sort of stuff, I must say I didn't really enjoy it.

However, for the genre that you say this is intended for, I don't see why it wouldn't work.
#5
I liked it. It reminded me of a more fantastic version of T.S Eliot's "The Wastelend" for some reason. I can't really suggest any revisions other than maybe even more advanced word choice?
And I'd call it ashes of eden for sure
#6
Hello, sorry for getting to it late.

Well, to tell you the truth, it is not my style of writing, but this seems nicely written. Thought, from the death metal lyrics ive read int he past, it always seems to be the same theme. oO (evil coming and slaughtering all..)
#7
I can see this being a metal lyric but I don't think it's very special standing alone. A couple things really quick:

I thought you went a little far with the first stanza. I got bored of the structure after a few lines.

I feel like this wasn't anything special. It seems like if you read one piece like this, then you've read them all. I mean to say it was kind of an overdone topic, you know?

And thirdly, I don't think you captured any emotional appeal that could've given this impact. Instead, it's just a bunch of related words that don't make me feel much. I think if you tried to bring out some sort of feeling through a vivid story or something specific for me to grab onto as a reader/listener that makes me think more than just breeze through it, then it would be a much better set of lyrics.

Hopefully that's a little helpful. If you don't mind a quick opinion on the link in my sig, that would be cool.

see you around
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#8
@Jimi, yeh the first few lines i was a bitweary of but thought what the hell leave it in.
2) Yeh i know its overdone, but now that ive got one like it i can move onto better imo :>
3) Not supposed to be emotive at all, hardly anyone is going to be able to understand them so emotion doesnt matter in this song for me. Its all about painting a vivid image in your head of the apocalypse - which is what i hope its doing :X

Ill crit later today cos its late here and im tired ^^;
#9
Agreed with michal, not my type of lyric, but i could definitely pair with with the genre you listed. unfortunately, i am not a metal kid by anyone's standards, not even a fake one, so i wouldn't listen to it.