#1
S&L! Long time no see, Will Crit 4 Crit.

Right its basically fast pace hiphop mixed with acoustic, Imagine Den le sac and scroobius pip wiriting a song with Plan B.

Designed to be scared, Of your own existance
Fatal Flaws, in your eye's, with your upmost resistance
Reading walls for the message's, that no one had written
You spend less time on the level, And more time trying to Fit in

Bring it up, Laugh it Down, Cause you know no one Listen;s
But the Ears aren't staying open cause there's point's that your missing,
Get A Job
Get A Car
Don't think to much and you'll get far
Don't slack behind
Work 9 to 5
Clock in Clock out and waste your time

Im Living is a world where i don't see square's i see Cubes
Cause everything fall's in the Background when you're one Dimensional
I was thinking about the time and how Human life is spent
But i looked in far to deep and right then,
It Just Went.
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I'm now so drunk that even if my mom had given me a blow job at aeg 2, i'd be like I'm a pmp, butches.!

If this even madkes sense... if yhou sig this, Iw ll kill you.
#2
I'm not really familiar with the artists you're referring to, but I'll give it a go.

Rhythmically this is working really well the way I imagine it. Content wise, I could see this going one of two ways. Is this the whole song? If so, I think it would only last about 30 seconds.

If you to make this one verse, and end every other verse end with "it just went", or make the first 2 paragraphs a verse and the 3rd a chorus, I think that would work really well.

Only thing I can see about it is that paragraph 1 (actually, is it a paragraph or a stanza? You catch my drift, though) is about fear/paranoia, 2nd is about conformity, it's kind of a rough transition that doesn't seem to have a lot of focus. My suggestion would be to put each into a different verse, and then replace what's missing with something more geared toward what you have.

All in all, I'd say you're on the right track though. If you'd like to crit one of mine, there's one called Jambalaya (Metal), should still be on the 1st page.
Schecter Hellraiser V1 / Schecter Stiletto Extreme 4 / Gallien Krueger 400RB / Hartke Transporter 4x10 / Digitech BP200 / Pod Studio GX
#3
As with mephysteaux, i haven't listened to any of the artists you have listed. However, mixing high-paced hip-hop with acoustics sounds like an interesting combination.

I imagined how this would sound in my head, and i think i would listen to it on a regular basis. i feel that it would be a catchy tune. There is only one that i feel would be a bit forced in speed ("cause everything falls...") but the rest of the tune seems to flow very well. My other concern is echoed above, that if this is the whole song, at a fast pace this sound wouldn't last very long.

Here is mine, if you are interested.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1076302

#4
I really liked it. Word choice for the most part was excellent and to music would prolly sound pretty sweet. The last verse/paragraph seemed a little off for me just cuz all the other ones had a very steafy rhyming to it but i still liked that verse. Overall a really cool set of lyrics and would sound quite interesting in the genre your talking about. Good Work!

Heres mine if you have time
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1075519
#5
it kinda feels choppy to me at the beginning, a bit forced and awkward--I guess it's mostly this line I don't like though, "You spend less time on the level, And more time trying to Fit in
." 2nd stanza I like a bit more, it flows more naturally for me. I actually really liked the last stanza, cool ending (obviously you might want it a bit longer it you want a meaty song).

I like the idea of that style though, run with it I think it could work with the right music/tone. I was kind of going for a flow like that in this one, crit if you like:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1074051
Standard Fender Telecaster
Fender Blues Jr
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