#1
Soft-spoken dreams; midnight runners
carving tracks in the pavement.
Concrete foundations
holding the wills of nations
against the democratic breeze.
Undying questions; sit with me.
Cry it out.

Under sugar-paper rushes
and worded alibis, pain and regret
seem your only options.
Look to your left…
Look to your right…
Looks like you’re on your own tonight.
#2
Quote by Dæmönika
Soft-spoken dreams; midnight runners


Good Opening, Hook's you in..


carving tracks in the pavement.
Concrete foundations
holding the wills of nations

All great work, I espically like the "Carving tracks" gives a vivid image.

against the democratic breeze.

This line for me is the weakest, but not for any other reason than it's just not my style, It's good but i don't feel the "Democratic" part

Undying questions; sit with me.
Cry it out.

Under sugar-paper rushes
and worded alibis, pain and regret
seem your only options.
Look to your left…
Look to your right…
Looks like you’re on your own tonight.



"look to your left..." bit from then on is awesome, best part of the song, i like how it has no structure of rhyming per-se then ends with that. Really ties it up for me.

Up to you is you wanna crit on mine.

But seriously love it, Paint's images in my mind and give's me an un-nerving feel. Im not the best at annotation's, but if that's the feeling you set out for the listener/reader, the yeah. if not then still it's what it does for me.
Quote by ZanasCross
I'm now so drunk that even if my mom had given me a blow job at aeg 2, i'd be like I'm a pmp, butches.!

If this even madkes sense... if yhou sig this, Iw ll kill you.
#4
Quote by Dæmönika
Soft-spoken dreams; midnight runners
carving tracks in the pavement.


Wonderful start.

Concrete foundations
holding the wills of nations
against the democratic breeze.


If i understood this correctly, you meant to say that there is a big resistance against the democratic wave. Unfortunately, i can't seem to connect it with anything else

Undying questions; sit with me.
Cry it out.

Under sugar-paper rushes
and worded alibis, pain and regret
seem your only options.
Look to your left…
Look to your right…
Looks like you’re on your own tonight.

well rounded finish. the last three lines are excellent.


Overall, an excellent write. As I said above, though, i stumble at the middle three lines of stanza one.


Here's mine if you are interested
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1076302
#5
This was short yet i don't think you wasted a single line. I love non-rhyming pieces that end with a rhyme, its so...shakespearean.