Poll: Which Jokes are the best? (Choose One)
Poll Options
View poll results: Which Jokes are the best? (Choose One)
Jew Jokes
75 8%
Baby Jokes
174 19%
Sexually Related Jokes
136 15%
Michael Jackson Jokes
10 1%
Gay/Homo/Bi/Rape Jokes
41 4%
Fat Jokes
22 2%
Cookies
26 3%
Religous
48 5%
Other
67 7%
I Like them all, and I Wuv Cookies...From your mom!
320 35%
Voters: 919.
Page 1 of 8
lastrockgod
Wtf I'm going to Hell!
Join date: Sep 2008
10 IQ
#1
Hello. This thread is all about How F*cked Up your Jokes can be. I'm asking for some really Funny and F*cked up ones.

Let the Community of UG understand How corrupt and F*cked up this thread and somewhat your mind is. Range your jokes from Gross to Extremely F*cked up!

Here are some examples taken from the thread.
________________________

Whats the diference between a dead baby and a corvette?
I dont have a thousand Corvettes in my garage

Whats worse than a truck full of dead babies?
Unloading them with a pitchfork

~~Made by~~
Cockpuncher 2.0

_________________________

What do you call a thousand dead gays?
A good hunt.

How can you tell if a nigra is about to attack you?
It's breathing.

What's the difference between Jews and pizzas?
Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

What happens when a jew with an erection walks into a wall?
His nose breaks

~~Made by~~
A Bad Guitarist

__________________________

A woman has just given birth to a beautiful baby, the doctor holds the little miracle, cradled in his arms. His eyes light up and he smiles as he looks into it's little face, all full of rebirth and new life, he looks at the mother and whispers "congratulations" she smiles.

Suddenly, the doctor starts punching the baby, kicking it, biting its ears, throwing it against the wall, he stomps on its head screaming and groaning, the mother watches in horror.

The doctor picks the baby up above his head, bringing it down , its spine thumping hard againt his solid, bent knee, a loud cracking noise is produced. The doctor disposes of the baby, throwing it through a pane glass window, Off the 13th story of the hospital.

The mother, teary and screaming cries " WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! YOU'VE MURDERED MY BABY!"

The doctor, trying to choke down his laughter, turns and says with a cheeky grin " I'm just kidding! it was already dead!"

~~Made by~~
Wardy-Slash ...Holy sh*t, This is one F*cked up mind!

______________________________


Currently the best jokes are on pages 2,3,4,5
Message me through my account if you think your joke should be on this list.

______________________________
Last update 4-18-09
Quote by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
Last edited by lastrockgod at Apr 18, 2009,
Hale_91
Needs Therapy
Join date: Jul 2007
238 IQ
#4
theres always someone that trys to turn "use the search bar" into a joke.

fails EVERY time.
*Enter Sig Here*
EnyoAdonai
Stimulus Package.
Join date: Oct 2007
101 IQ
#5
Never tell TS to use the searchbar... oh damnit.
MaKing thE possiBlE...
...totaLlY impossible
bendystraw
UG's liquid transporter
Join date: Oct 2006
30 IQ
#7
Quote by Hale_91
theres always someone that trys to turn "use the search bar" into a joke.

fails EVERY time.

It's not supposed to be funny, just remind the threadstarter that it has been done and that he is wasting his time.
ScottElwood
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2008
148 IQ
#9
What do you call a fat Chink? A Chunk!!

Thats a fat joke btw, not racist.
Any spelling or grammatical errors written above are because of my inferior brain to yours. Good job, you won life.
MedicreDemon
Thing in a Jar
Join date: Jun 2006
30 IQ
#10
Did you seriously need to highlight crippled and run? Like nobody was gonna get the "joke".
Soon you will sit on the bench
of those who deny I have my soul
You sell a dream you create
Condemned by what you condemned before
Smooth are the words you sing down and high
Underground is your joy your laws
lastrockgod
Wtf I'm going to Hell!
Join date: Sep 2008
10 IQ
#11
Quote by bendystraw
It's not supposed to be funny, just remind the threadstarter that it has been done and that he is wasting his time.

actually lol i got nothing too do atm. hehe lil sister and her friends are using my tv. so lol got nothing to do. none of my friends are on myspace. so =( its just a sad face for me. =)
Quote by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
masturnate42
UG Newbie
Join date: Oct 2008
20 IQ
#14
Q: Whats small, red and crawls up your leg???

A: A homesick abortion
Quote by Spoony_Bard
I hate that...actually I just hate anyone under the age of 16


Quote by RockGuitar92
Just get it cut a little. It will grow back. Besides why is it so important to look metal? That's just retarded.


Gear in profile
MedicreDemon
Thing in a Jar
Join date: Jun 2006
30 IQ
#15
Quote by Jonjy2
So Dimebag walks into a bar...




RIP Dime.
Soon you will sit on the bench
of those who deny I have my soul
You sell a dream you create
Condemned by what you condemned before
Smooth are the words you sing down and high
Underground is your joy your laws
Haustinj
Banned
Join date: Mar 2008
10 IQ
#17
What Did Helen Keller Say To The Deaf Kid?


UHHUHUHHUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH!


What Did The Deaf Kid Say Back?

*Nothing*Cricket-Noises*
Spamwise
stop calling me a homo
Join date: Apr 2006
291 IQ
#19
No anti religulous jokes


Why would any one make a joke about that? Bill Maher did an excellent job with that movie.
masturnate42
UG Newbie
Join date: Oct 2008
20 IQ
#20
how did helen keller's parents punish her?


by leaving the plunger in the toilet
Quote by Spoony_Bard
I hate that...actually I just hate anyone under the age of 16


Quote by RockGuitar92
Just get it cut a little. It will grow back. Besides why is it so important to look metal? That's just retarded.


Gear in profile
kurt18th
Registered User
Join date: May 2005
10 IQ
#22
what do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?


an erection =)
Haustinj
Banned
Join date: Mar 2008
10 IQ
#23
Quote by masturnate42
how did helen keller's parents punish her?


by leaving the plunger in the toilet


Lol
Haustinj
Banned
Join date: Mar 2008
10 IQ
#24
Whats funnier than a blind hemophilic baby sounded in a room by broken glass?


Seeing The Response On The Janitor's Face When Hes Gotta Clean It Up
SPBY
odin's blood fuels me
Join date: Apr 2008
110 IQ
#26
Q: whats red and squirmy and in the corner?

A: a baby in a baggy

Q: whats green and red and in the corner?

A: the same baby three weeks later.

F'ed up enough?

GUITARS CURRENTLY USED
Ibanez RG7621
Ibanez RG121
ESP LTD H-400
Cockpuncher 2.0
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2008
10 IQ
#27
Whats the diference between a dead baby and a corvette?
I dont have a thousand Corvettes in my garage
Whats worse than a truck full of dead babies?
Unloading them with a pitchfork

How we doing so far?
masturnate42
UG Newbie
Join date: Oct 2008
20 IQ
#28
what gets smaller and louder at the same time


a baby in a trash compacter
Quote by Spoony_Bard
I hate that...actually I just hate anyone under the age of 16


Quote by RockGuitar92
Just get it cut a little. It will grow back. Besides why is it so important to look metal? That's just retarded.


Gear in profile
Haustinj
Banned
Join date: Mar 2008
10 IQ
#29
Where's The Dead Baby Thread...I Need A Good Laugh; This Ain't Cutting It.

Scratch THat...Im Laughing now. I Found The Nitrous Oxide
Last edited by Haustinj at Mar 1, 2009,
777Corey
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2008
10 IQ
#30
Can we please have some racist or anti religious jokes allowed, those dead baby jokes are so lame and unoriginal.
supralightning
Unstoppable!!
Join date: Jun 2008
20 IQ
#31
what do you do when you see two kids lying face down in a pool of blood?


stop laughing and reload
masturnate42
UG Newbie
Join date: Oct 2008
20 IQ
#32
Quote by 777Corey
Can we please have some racist or anti religious jokes allowed, those dead baby jokes are so lame and unoriginal.


how does a black person kill himself?


takes his car on the interstate, sticks his head out the window and lets his lips beat him to death
Quote by Spoony_Bard
I hate that...actually I just hate anyone under the age of 16


Quote by RockGuitar92
Just get it cut a little. It will grow back. Besides why is it so important to look metal? That's just retarded.


Gear in profile
MetalManiac_86
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2007
10 IQ
#34
3 gay dudes, all dating same guy. He dies, there is an argument over what to do with his ashes.
1st guy: We liked sky-diving together, I want to bring his ashes up for one last jump and let them go free
2nd guy: We always wanted to sail around the world, I'd like to go on one last trip and spread them over the ocean.
3rd guy: Well, I'm gonna make the hottest, spiciest bowl of chili possible with his ashes.

'Wtf would you do that?' the other 2 guys ask.
..."So he can rip the ass out of me one last time"
"When sh*t becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes."
Teh Forest King
Golden Pancake Master
Join date: Jan 2007
180 IQ
#35
Quote by masturnate42
how does a black person kill himself?


takes his car on the interstate, sticks his head out the window and lets his lips beat him to death


oh my god. I laughed.

If George Washington is on the one dollar bill and Abe Lincoln was on the five dollar bill, whats Obama going to be on?


Food Stamp.
Quote by tarlkea
When I say offensive I mean offensive like dressing up as superman in a wheel chair offensive, not penis suit offensive.
lastrockgod
Wtf I'm going to Hell!
Join date: Sep 2008
10 IQ
#36
Go ahead. I'll let ya all get as f*ucked up as possible.
Quote by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
Cockpuncher 2.0
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2008
10 IQ
#38
What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?
the black ones steal your watch

whats the funniest thing a jew has ever said?
Wait.. this isnt water (Im sorry )
or
*lits furnaces* Whats for dinner?(im still sorry )
A Bad Guitarist
Banned
Join date: Jul 2008
10 IQ
#39
If a woman complains when you stick it in her pooper, it means you didn't stab hard enough.

What do you call a thousand dead gays?
A good hunt.

How can you tell if a nigra is about to attack you?
It's breathing.

What's the difference between Jews and pizzas?
Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

What happens when a jew with an erection walks into a wall?
His nose breaks.
Last edited by A Bad Guitarist at Mar 1, 2009,