Poll: Which Jokes are the best? (Choose One)
Poll Options
View poll results: Which Jokes are the best? (Choose One)
Jew Jokes
75 8%
Baby Jokes
174 19%
Sexually Related Jokes
136 15%
Michael Jackson Jokes
10 1%
Gay/Homo/Bi/Rape Jokes
41 4%
Fat Jokes
22 2%
Cookies
26 3%
Religous
48 5%
Other
67 7%
I Like them all, and I Wuv Cookies...From your mom!
320 35%
Voters: 919.
Page 4 of 8
#121
What's the worst part about eating bald pussy? Taking the diaper of first.


That's right, my grandma shaves.
#123
Quote by vanhailin
theres three guys trying to get into heaven, theres a billionaire, a baker, and a gay.
they each have to give something up they love to get in. so they baker says he'll give up cooking, the billionaire says he'll give up money, the gay will give up butt sex, they all get in.
so they're walkin around heaven and the baker sees some ingredients and he thinks "ohh i gotta bake" so he does and poof he disappears.
so the billionaire and the gay are walking down a street and the rich man sees a penny, so he bends over to pick it up and poof the gay disappears.

why did I read that as 'poof the gay guy' as in if the gay guy was actually called poof?
You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#124
wats the difference between an onion and a baby?
i dont eat the skin of an onion

how do u get a baby into a bucket
with a blender.

how do u get it back out?
NACHOS

wat sound does a baby make in a blender?
i dont know i was to busy masturbating

wats the best part about having sex with a baby?
hearing the pelvis crack.

wats the worst part about having sex with a baby?
getting blood on your clown costume

wat worse than findingg a worm in your apple?
rape

wats worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
the holocaust

wats the loudest thing in the world?
a baby with no skin in a bag of salt

how do u stop a baby from choking?
take your dick out of its mouth

a jew , a preiest and a rabi all walk into a bar.
the bartender turns to them and says "is this some kind of fuking joke?"

a black women has an abortion.
two weeks later she recieves a cheque for 600 dollars.
she calls up the number on the back of then evelope to figure out were it came from.
turns out it was a reward from crime stoppers.
#125
a guy goes on a business trip to Japan. While he's there, he gets a hooker. She keeps shouting something in Japanese but he doesnt speak the language so he ignores it. The next day, he's golfing with some executives. He gets a hole in one and yells what he heard the night before. They Japanese executives look at him weird. He says "what, doesnt that mean 'that's the spot?'" Japanese guy "no, that means wrong hole"
Quote by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers


Quote by Baby Joel
Isis is amazing
#126
What do you call Jade Goody in a wedding dress?

A Shuttle ****
______________________

Jade Goody has received some good news as she has sold her hairdryer on ebay for a tenner
______________________

It's ironic: Not only does Jade Goody's head look like an egg, it will probably be i na box by easter!
______________________

40 Gypsies arrived at heaven's gate. St. Peter said "We've only got room for 12, so decide amongst yourselves who's coming in"
5 minutes later St. Peter says to God "They've gone!"
God says "What, all 40!??!"
St Peter replies "No, the focking gates!"
______________________

See you in hell guys
#127
What do you call 500 bass guitarists at the bottom of the ocean?
A fine start.
We are NOT meaningless


Sole member of
Diction & Diaries: Folk Indie with passion


Guitarist/lyricist for:


A CITY SKYLINE


"
#128
Quote by masturnate42
how does a black person kill himself?


takes his car on the interstate, sticks his head out the window and lets his lips beat him to death



Is it wrong to laugh at this? I'm actually having a moral conflict here...
What is this that stands before me?

Figure in black that points at me...


FUCKETH THINE SELF
#129
Quote by bendystraw
It's not supposed to be funny, just remind the threadstarter that it has been done and that he is wasting his time.


Obviously his time was wasted. Who cares if a thread has been done, if you revive a dead thread you get called out on itjust as much. You kids need to stop bickering over such a thing.
I'm Just a Box in a Cage
I'm Just a Box in a Cage
I'm Just a Box in a Cage
I'm Just a Box in a Cage
#130
So the father says to his daughter; you have to help your mother with the cleaning, and that is the end it of, period.

The girl turns to her father with a confused look on her face, "What does my menstral cycle have to do with this."
#131
Why dont black guys have dreams?


Cause the last black guy who had a dream got shot.
November 15th 2007
#132
Hehe. I showed my friends at school. They laughed there A$$es off! Keep em comming.
Quote by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
#134
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"

George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"

Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
#135
Seth McFarlane at the start of family guy's 100th episode

"Hello, Seth McFarlane here to talk to you about some of the awesome work thats been going on at the sutter center for cancer research.

BAH i'm just kidding, could you imagine?"

dear lord.
"The future's uncertain, and The End is always near."
-Jim Morrison
#136
What's red and sticky and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion!
We are NOT meaningless


Sole member of
Diction & Diaries: Folk Indie with passion


Guitarist/lyricist for:


A CITY SKYLINE


"
#137
So I stopped a little girl from getting raped the other day.....


.....I quit chasing her.
Quote by Diet_coke_head
I love taking a nice dip of some horse shit, so good.
#138
How many babies does it take to paint a house????


-It depends how hard you throw them!
sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#140
I once betted a bartender that I could pis in a glas that stood 10 feet away without spilling for 300$. He said ok so I tried and pissed all over the place. The damn bartender laughed and said I owned him 300$ and asked me why I was that dumb to make that deal. Then I said I betted with the guys at the pooltable that I would piss all over you and this place and you'd only laugh for 500$ each.

/didn't really happen ofcourse


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#141
What's the difference between a baby and a watermellon?
One's fun to mash with a sledgehammer...the other one is a watermellon!
We are NOT meaningless


Sole member of
Diction & Diaries: Folk Indie with passion


Guitarist/lyricist for:


A CITY SKYLINE


"
#142
...where's the black jokes?


What's the difference between a dead baby and a hamburger?
I don't have sex withmy hamburger before I eat it

Zing!


My grandpa died in the holocaust

He fell put of a gaurs tower


Ha-cha!
Last edited by Mr.hurricane at Mar 11, 2009,
#143
A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?" The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."
The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"
#144
all of those "jokes" are horrible.
[img]http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/3760/356h356h365pc1.png[/img]
Die Ruhe vor dem Sturm.
#145
Why was hellen keller such a bad driver.....
she was a woman
NEW BTBAM 2009

NEW NECROPHAGIST 2009

NEW NILE 2009

NEW BEHEMOTH 2009

Have Xbox Live?
Gamer Tag: BehemothCm
#146
why did hitler kil himself?

he had just recieved his gas bill
#147
Totally off topic, but where is that HAAAYYY thing with the gay guy in the jeep from?
DEAD. AIR. SPACE.

Fender American Strat/Tele->Vox V847 Wah->EH LPB-1->BK Butler Tube Driver->Big Muff Pi->MXR Carbon Copy->EH Small Clone->Vox AC30/Orange Tiny Terror/Blues Deluxe RI
#148
what did hitler say to the black jew?
go to the back of the oven!

so a girl in the south wants to barrow her dads car to go to a hoedown so she goes up to her dad and goes "daddy? can i barrow the car? to which her dad responds
"you know the penalty for barrowing the car!"
"aw come on daddy!" the girl pleads
"no you know the penalty!" he says.
so she gets on her knees and starts sucking his dick and after about 30 seconds she looks up and goes "daddy, your dick tastes like ****." n the dad goes
"thats right your brothers got the car!"

i might post more later. those r the worst ones i know
Viking/Folk Metal Group <--Join!
Quote by telemonster
I dont get the whole EMO thing.....kinda like vountering to get your ass kicked.

Quote by Night_Lights
What idiot puts Randy Rhoads and Dimebag above Hendrix in any guitar list?
Quote by Guitarlord44
well they were both better than hendrix
#149
whats the difference between a nig and a snowtire?
When you put chains on the snow tire it doesnt start singing

i have many more but am too lazy to type
Member #8 of the Trumpet Players' Alliance, PM E V H 5150 to join.


Quote by GuitarHero0715
The most ****ed up thing a woman can to do a man is give your d!ck an indian burn, or bite it off.


Only bassist of the Bass Militia PM Nutter_101 to join
#150
what did helen keller name her dog? AHHUHHUHAA!!

how did helen kellers parents punish her?
rearrange the furniture OR leave the plunger in the toilet.
Viking/Folk Metal Group <--Join!
Quote by telemonster
I dont get the whole EMO thing.....kinda like vountering to get your ass kicked.

Quote by Night_Lights
What idiot puts Randy Rhoads and Dimebag above Hendrix in any guitar list?
Quote by Guitarlord44
well they were both better than hendrix
#152
So I was balls deep in peanut butter the other day...


...and then it occured to me, why did the neighbors name their two year old daughter peanut butter?
Quote by Le_Bunny
Money doesn't fuel good music. Passion does.

#154
Quote by Jonjy2
So Dimebag walks out of a bar...



fixed
Quote by RU Experienced?
See the FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU- thread, he's a God amongst men.

^^ about me


Confucius once say: "Women is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time, 1/4 ragtime."

This is my sig, get over it. ಠ_ಠ
#155
Whats the best thing about being a metalhead?

Scaring people with spikes and coffin cases..
#157
Haha. come on people keep this thread alive!

Or it will eat you!
Quote by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
#158
Whats the difference betwee jesus and a picture of jesus?


It only takes one nail to hang a picture......

(Not anti religious, just ****ed up)
#159
Michael J Fox jokes.

but theyre funny as hell, so it make up for their terribleness.
.
..
...
I have no opinion on this matter.
#160
so, a black guy has a black car a white has a white car...
what color car does the mexican have?


it depends on who he steals it from.