Poll: Which Jokes are the best? (Choose One)
Poll Options
View poll results: Which Jokes are the best? (Choose One)
Jew Jokes
75 8%
Baby Jokes
174 19%
Sexually Related Jokes
136 15%
Michael Jackson Jokes
10 1%
Gay/Homo/Bi/Rape Jokes
41 4%
Fat Jokes
22 2%
Cookies
26 3%
Religous
48 5%
Other
67 7%
I Like them all, and I Wuv Cookies...From your mom!
320 35%
Voters: 919.
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#161
Quote by masturnate42
how did helen keller's parents punish her?


by rearraging the furniture



Fixed
Quote by HelpTravesty
Hey everyone, SMOKE WEED!


It's raining blood from a lacerated sky.


#162
old old old old jokes.
"Bullshit is the glue that binds this nation together."
-George Carlin



The Human Fund: $0.00
PM me to donate
#163
a black women has an abortion.
two weeks later she recieves a cheque for 600 dollars.
she calls up the number on the back of then evelope to figure out were it came from.
turns out it was a reward from crime stoppers. <---I don't really Get this one?


the baby was going to be black, and commit crimes, but she stopped him from committing crimes by aborting him.

IS FUNNY!

#164
prolly been used...

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?

You can't **** a table.
meh
#165
Q:what's the difference between black people and jews?
A:black people have to sit in thee back of the oven
i need a famous quote
#166
Q:What does hitler use as fire wood?
A:Jewish People
i need a famous quote
#167
what's the difference between hitler and michael phelps?

michael phelps can finish a race
Jackson DKMG Dinky, Ibanez RG 7321, Ibanez RG 350EX
Bugera 6262-212 (120 watt), Line 6 Spider lll (30 watt)

Pearl Forum Series Drums
Sabian B8 Cymbals (ride, hi-hats, 3x crash, splash)
#168
How do you stop your neighbours kids from climbing over your fence?


Molest them

Gear:
Ibanez JPM P100A
Schecter C7 Loomis
Ibanez Rg1570
Agile Intrepid 828 Pro Dual
Schecter Omen FR Extreme
Ibanez RG550 (Fernandez Sustainer)
Laney World Series 120-TR
POD X3 Live
#171
What happened to the elderly old man who liked to play tricks on children?

He was stoned to death.

-

What did batman say to Robin to get him in the car?

Get in the car.

-

A man goes to a grocery store. While he is there he buys:
Bread,
Cheese,
and milk.

So as he is checking out, getting ready to pay, the cashier says: "Hey, you're single, aren't you?"

The man is astonished. "Wow, that's incredible. How did you know that?"

"You're ugly"

-

why can't the little boy go to school?

he has terminal cancer.

-

The man was getting ready to go outside.
He put on gloves, a coat, and a hat.

He got to the door and stopped...

... and was raped by a hobo carrying HIV.
#172
do people really shout 'whos you're daddy' during sex?

only if the person shouting it is Josef Fritzel

edit: thats not actually as good as any of the others on here
Last edited by Joe4/4/1992 at Mar 18, 2009,
#173
What's the best thing Kurt Cobain ever released?

The Safety.

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

The wall behind him.

What do Pink Floyd, and Princess Dianna have in common?

Their last hit was the wall.

What's the diference between Princess Dianna and THomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas comes out of tunnels.

How do they know Princess Dianna had clean hair when they crashed?

They found Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

Why did they name the new British submarine SS Madeline McCann?

They'll both be at the bottom of the ocean, filled with seamen.

What's the difference between a pizza and a black man?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

How do you starve a Black man?

Hid his food stamps under his work boots.

What do you call a car with two black men in it?

A police car.

What is the Million Man March in the rain?

Gorillas in the mist.

What was missing from the Million Man March?

A couple of miles of chain and an auctioneer.

Why do you need to take a black person to a picnic?

To keep the flies away from the food.

What's the difference between a black man and a trampoline?

I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

How do you circumcise a Hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.


I'm going to hell.
Last edited by moleman_1991 at Mar 18, 2009,
#174
I find none of these jokes shocking in the slighterst. I'm a bad, bad man.
NO ONE EVER READS MY POSTS.
#175
whats the difference between snow tires and black people??


snow tires dont sing when u put chains on em!!!1!!!!!!!


amidoinitright?
ESP Alexi 600 and Father Marshall.............nuff said
#176
wow, we really do need some better jokes. Seems like many of ya are sucking ass now.
Quote by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
#177
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw them!

What do you call 20 black men on the back of a truck?
A good days hunting!

What do you do if you see a black man with half a face?
Stop laughing & Reload!
Quote by Spoony_Bard
Dude I got these strings the other day that couldn't be tuned to higher than 4 octaves below middle C then I realized that they were shoelaces and they weren't making any sound at all.
#178
Two cows in a field. One says to the other, "Mooo!"

The other replies, "Dammit! I was about to say that!"


Two muffins baking in an oven. One says to the other, "Damn, it's getting hot in here!"

The other replies, "HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
#179
What do you get if there's a jew on the moon?
A problem.

What do you get with 20 jews on the moon?
A bigger problem.

What do you get with all the jews on the moon?
Problem solved.
Quote by MetalOblivion93
The Philosopher = Smart
The Philosopher = Win


Quote by sashki
Slayer wrote a negative song about you because you considered the possibility of them writing a positive song.


JOIN THE PS3 ALLIANCE GROUP
#180
Quote by Malakian88
Two cows in a field. One says to the other, "Mooo!"

The other replies, "Dammit! I was about to say that!"


Two muffins baking in an oven. One says to the other, "Damn, it's getting hot in here!"

The other replies, "HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!"


I'm still Loling to this one. =)
Quote by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
#181
Micheal Jackson jokes are starting to get annoying...
I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE
#182
One day, right before Halloween, a small black boy went up to his Grndma to ask what he should be.
Boy:"Can I be George Washington?"
Grandma: "No, he was white."
Boy: "Can I be Abe Licoln?"
Grandma: "No, he was white."
Boy: "Well, what can I be Grandma?"
Grandma: "Well, you can get 2 popsicle sticks, shove them up your ass and go as a Fudgesicle!"

I'm a bad bad joke teller
#183
How do you fix a pumpkin?


A pumpkin patch.
Quote by Duff_McGee
Everyone knows that the day the Metallica ends, the world ends.
#184
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a corvette?

A pile of dead babies is a mound of decomposing flesh, whilst a corvette is a sports-car manufactured by Chevrolet.
Guitar - Washburn X-50PROQ
Amp- Ibanez TBX15r (using to run my POD through)
Pedals - Line6 POD X3, Dunlop Crybaby Gcb-95
#185
What's the difference between Sand and Period Blood?


You can't gargle sand
John Frusciante
Slash
Jeff Beck
Matt Bellamy
Jack White

HT-5 Owners Thread

Owner of an 1/4 watt custom combo.

Quote by Garou1911
^This man speaks the language of win.


Donate to my cause
#186
Quote by Zapht
what did hitler say to the black jew?
go to the back of the oven!

so a girl in the south wants to barrow her dads car to go to a hoedown so she goes up to her dad and goes "daddy? can i barrow the car? to which her dad responds
"you know the penalty for barrowing the car!"
"aw come on daddy!" the girl pleads
"no you know the penalty!" he says.
so she gets on her knees and starts sucking his dick and after about 30 seconds she looks up and goes "daddy, your dick tastes like ****." n the dad goes
"thats right your brothers got the car!"

i might post more later. those r the worst ones i know


Arent you that stupid asshole TS from the "metal" thread?
#188
So a priest, a Rabbi and a Shaman walk into a bar. Except theres no priest, no shaman, the rabbi is really my Dad and the bar is my 8th birthday and he's molesting me.
My dad molested me.
Alot.
Pot
Kettle
Black
#189
Love this thread (rofl)
If you can read this... you can read!



    Quote by Fat Lard
    I like semen, so what?
    #190
    why did hitler really kill himself?
    he saw his gas bill.
    Quote by Duff_McGee
    Everyone knows that the day the Metallica ends, the world ends.
    #192
    Quote by metal4ever6328
    Arent you that stupid asshole TS from the "metal" thread?

    hardest i've laughed in this thread. he'll never live that down
    #193
    we need more jokes
    I smoke like Rasta, got hair like pasta
    I be sippin' on them shots then bustin' rhymes like Busta


    Load up the bong, crank up the song, let the informa call 911
    #194
    How do you starve a black man?
    Hide his food stamps under his work boots!

    How do you stop a Black man from drowning?
    Take your foot off his head!

    How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    3, one to screw it in & another 2 to argue over who could have done it faster!
    Quote by Spoony_Bard
    Dude I got these strings the other day that couldn't be tuned to higher than 4 octaves below middle C then I realized that they were shoelaces and they weren't making any sound at all.
    #195
    Quote by get ta led out!
    prolly been used...

    What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?

    You can't **** a table.


    I beg to differ.


    Interested in vitamins and their many uses? Visit my site to learn more about vitamins that can give you energy, increased gym performance, increased recovery, and improved overall health (no broscience)
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    #197
    Keep this F***en thing alive. Its the best thing that ever happend to me, Well getting laid was but you get the point.
    Quote by EndOfNothing656
    Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

    Quote by Karvid
    Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
    #198
    What's long and hard on a black man?
    1st grade.

    Why do black people keep getting stronger?
    TVs keep getting heavier.
    #199
    I ran my cat over on purpose.
    The end
    When i die, i wanna be burried upside down...so that anybody who doesnt like me can kiss my ass.

    marilize leguana!
    #200
    Count Dracula walks into a bar...

    Dracula: I'd like a cup of hot water please.

    Bar keep: Okay....coming right up.

    Dracula takes the cup, and begins dipping a tampon into it.

    Bar keep: ...WTF are you doing?

    Dracula: Making tea.
    Quote by LaGrange
    an 08er made me lol
    good one!


    yes, I bring teh luhlz.