#1
Try and read this as if Steven Tyler is singing it, that was the voice I had in mind when I wrote it. It's supposed to have a classic rock feel but sounds pretty pop

Grade 11 Lady


Well you might have seen her
C
Walking here'n'there
F G
With a little pierced nose
C
And streaky brown hair
F G
Her skirt's hitched high
C
Her leather jacket shines
F G
Eyes ringed with make-up
C
She'll melt you with a look

She's not looking
So why do you try?
She don't care
Whether you live or you die

Yeah she's a Grade 11 lady
C
She's driving me crazy
G F
My Grade 11 lady
C
Don't pass me by
A G

What is it like?
Bein' such a beauty
The ladies must hate you
Cos all the guys, they chase you
But you don't want their love,
You just pass them by

Bridge

Chorus

Wherever I go
You're at the corner of my eye
You would be the apple
If you let me in your life
Don't wanna freak you out
Just wanna be your guy
#2
I didn't really care for the lyrics- it is a bit juvenile and I don't always like rhyming. You definitely put in the effort and I can tell there's a lot of emotion behind it. It does tell a story and I can see where you're coming from. Do you have it recorded/posted yet?
#3
Not at all, I don't think I could sing it, and I'm having trouble making it work anyway.

You seem intelligent, could you give me a hand? 90% of the songs I write end up like this, but this is the opposite of my tastes and my listening habits. The other 10% are phoney attempts at being AC/DC or John Lee Hooker. Have you got any advice for me to reverse this?

Thanks
#4
Read poetry about things that matter
it'll get ur brain moving
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#5
Quote by gabcd86
Not at all, I don't think I could sing it, and I'm having trouble making it work anyway.

You seem intelligent, could you give me a hand? 90% of the songs I write end up like this, but this is the opposite of my tastes and my listening habits. The other 10% are phoney attempts at being AC/DC or John Lee Hooker. Have you got any advice for me to reverse this?

Thanks



I don't think there's anything wrong with what you write. I think sometimes you can't help but produce a certain style- sometimes that's just what's in you. Also I think it's an age factor. Your writing may change as you get older and have different experiences. It happens to a lot of people. I agree with what the above user said though- read other peoples writing. Look at some poetry and different bands lyrics. You may be inspired to write something different or learn a different writing technique. Good luck!