#1
This isn't to be taken seriously or factual. Just an overarching somewhat blasphemous history of rock music. Have fun.

Rock n Roll was born in the 50s from his father and mother, Country and R&B. Going back further, R&B was the child of Blues and Swing. Country was the child of Pop and Old Timey. So starting off, Rock n Roll had very influential grandparents and they even raised the young fellow sometimes, but he was often quite the rebellious one. As Rock n Roll grew older in the 60s, he visited Europe for a stay, visited his old gramps, Blues, even dabbled in acid (drugs), and vacationed in the warm California sun. All these locations he went to, he impregnated various females along the way in groupies. So, now Rock n Roll had became a father, and started to act more mature. He figured he would just drop his last name, Roll, and his new surname would be Rock.

Rock got a job working at a corporation and thought, "Gee, I'm more mature now and should just stop being so rebellious and stick to just being me. All along, his children grew up to be little tykes and were a wild bunch. Prog grew up to be the artsy child who studied abroad to Germany, England, and smoked lots of weed to come up his theories. Punk was the puny younger sibling who spat in the face of such artsy fartsiness and became even more rebellious than his dad ever was. Heavy Metal was the brute who mocked his dad and joined Satanism and even borrowed a few licks from his great grandfather, Blues. These 3 went on their separate ways, but continued to keep in contact somewhat.

Prog met many chicks in his endeavors and thus created lots of Prog spawns. One of these spawns was very geeky from Germany and called himself Krautrock. Another was a total animal called Avant who the rest of his family shunned. Prog interbred with some of his own family along the way, and thus was born

Punk living fast and dying young died a horrible death, but he had managed to bang enough chicks for his blood to keep flowing. One such kid got all poppy and called themselves New Wave, thus she was Punk's popular child. Post's mother was actually one of Prog's daughters. Hardcore was the spawn of Punk and some insane mama, and was one fast living dude. Alternative was youngest of Punk's sons and kinda took after all his siblings. He would later grow up to the most popular after New Wave went into 2 decade coma.

Heavy Metal dropped his formal name and got baptised in blood 666 times thus becoming simply Metal. Let me tell you how many groupies he went into. He banged Death, Black Goddess, Hardcore (who became female for awhile), Prog's transgender side, Hairy women, and all kinds of folks around Europe. Metal thought he was so extreme in his earlier days, but soon found out his children would vomit and bang the hell out of his skeleton, and burn the ashes after burning the skeleton after stabbing him 1,000,000 times with horns!!

Today, all of Rock's grandchildren (one big happy disfunctional family) is having one massive orgy after another all across the world. It has spawned many such as Indie (the introspective whiny boy), Emo (the even more whiny girly boy), Death Metal (who only grunts for communication), Nu-Metal (got gangsta'd out with Rap, one of Rock's most hated competitors), Post-Rock (child who talks at one syllable a minute), -Core boys (set of octopulets from from Hardcore who go around screaming), Britpop (trying too hard to copy his granddad Rock's formulative years), and countless other troubled children who will go on to keep copulating to form a army of devolved humans.
#6
Nice work. I would say it's pretty accurate.
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#8
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tl;dr

you are one fire today!
i skipped to metal lol
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#10
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Post-Rock (child who talks at one syllable a minute),

I lol'd.

Good read.
#12
Wow...you must have been bored.
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#14
meh, i would say that blues is the father of rock, not country

making the family inbred because its parents were "blues" and "rhythm and blues"
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#16
Some more

Grunge - Alternative's depressed son who copied pasted his dad Punk and Uncle Heavy Metal

Post-Grunge - Grunge's current state of living under the massive corporation his great grandfather Rock fell under

Folk Metal - son of metal and skimmed his history book for medieval and viking fashion, a real history buff

Math Rock - one of Alternative's children whose a geometry whiz, but who has recently let it slip under an A grade

Sludge - OK, he fell into a pit of sludge and is just very icky. Moves like molasses now

Garage - one of Rock's forgotten sons who died but now has been revived and wears dull and minimal clothes

Dance-Punk - Punk's son who went to a bunch of raves and now thinks he's Jesus himself cause he can "dance")

Butt Rock - He's an evil ghost that was first alive in 80s in the form of Hair Metal, but died by Grunge axing him. Now he's back and sought revenge on Grunge himself, and now has inhabited Grunge's to become Post-Grunge. He also has other manifestations such as Nu-Metal and Dude Rock.)

Oh and yes, I've been surfing wikipedia too much if you can't tell. LOL
#18
meh, i would say that blues is the father of rock, not country

making the family inbred because its parents were "blues" and "rhythm and blues"


Yeah that was kinda tricky. Rock n Roll is a grand mix of blues, pop, gospel, r&b, country, and swing. But, it's not meant to be accurate, just humorous.
#20

What's wrong with my family man?
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